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February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I walked outside to this guy attempting to steal my bike. When I asked him what he was doing he calmly replied, "I'm a bike inspector. You hooked your chain all wrong! This time is a warning; next time it'll be a ticket!" He then threw his full, opened Pepsi can at me. FML

#20524651
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31164) - you deserved it (2537)

On 02/27/2013 at 5:39pm - misc - by Chelsea - United States (Ohio)

Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML

#20520338
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40309) - you deserved it (8490)

On 02/24/2013 at 2:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

#20495653
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27507) - you deserved it (5135)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:00pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was running late for work and quickly grabbed my outfit from the dryer. I heard the crackling of static as I took out my shirt. I didn't think anything of it, until later when my co-worker pointed out I had a thong stuck to my back. FML

#20491168
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29619) - you deserved it (7526)

On 02/03/2013 at 2:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, for the second time this week, I was asked to stop putting on such an obviously fake "British" accent. I am British and have lived here all my life. FML

#20513499
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36408) - you deserved it (2909)

On 02/19/2013 at 1:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I felt like letting my ex know just how I felt about all the bullshit he put me through. I dug up his number, typed a long paragraph with lots of pain and emotion, and sent it. The reply: "No wonder he broke up with you." Thanks, whoever has that number now. FML

#20512366
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12704) - you deserved it (44330)

On 02/18/2013 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my son broke his hand when he and his best friend had the genius idea of punching each other in the fists as hard as they could. FML

#20520875
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30869) - you deserved it (3624)

On 02/24/2013 at 9:57pm - kids - by why the fuck would you do that - United States (Arizona)

Today, I walked in on my mom drenched in tears, barely able to speak. I ran to get her some tissues and a nice cup of tea to calm her down. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, I asked her if she wanted to talk about what happened. She watched an episode of Gossip Girl. FML

#20491267
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31167) - you deserved it (3015)

On 02/03/2013 at 4:58am - misc - by wetqueefa (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was on the treadmill at the gym, when I felt my pants start slipping. I tried to pull them up, but lost my balance and fell face-first onto the floor. When I go to my wedding tomorrow, half the guests will probably think I've exchanged my fiancé for Chris Brown. FML

#20489307
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31751) - you deserved it (4419)

On 02/01/2013 at 6:31pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Brazil

Today, while driving extremely fast on a road in the middle of nowhere, I started to go down a hill. Noticing a police car at the bottom, I slammed my brakes and blew a tire in the process. It turns out the police car was an old cutout used to trick people. FML

#20520975
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11733) - you deserved it (55300)

On 02/24/2013 at 10:41pm - misc - by Fox - United States

Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML

#20508609
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37834) - you deserved it (3582)

On 02/15/2013 at 7:39pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Italy (Lombardia)

Today, my wife mentioned that she wanted to give me a three-way. I was ecstatic, until she opened her right hand, only to reveal a 3-way lightbulb. FML

#20512105
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17978) - you deserved it (41280)

On 02/18/2013 at 12:23pm - intimacy - by phatdaddy62 (man) - United States

Today, a tenant in my apartment block told me about a nice shady place behind our building where he often goes to relax. Curious, I went looking for it. It was a quiet and secluded courtyard. At least until a man came out of nowhere waving a hammer in my face, screaming in a foreign language. FML

#20495981
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26295) - you deserved it (3096)

On 02/06/2013 at 6:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)



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