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February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I walked in on my mom drenched in tears, barely able to speak. I ran to get her some tissues and a nice cup of tea to calm her down. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, I asked her if she wanted to talk about what happened. She watched an episode of Gossip Girl. FML

#20491267
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27397) - you deserved it (2710)

On 02/03/2013 at 4:58am - misc - by wetqueefa (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML

#20506765
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31330) - you deserved it (1903)

On 02/14/2013 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Saudi Arabia (Ash Sharqiyah)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he found out my birthday is the same day as his, and he thinks we are twins who were separated at birth. FML

#20505216
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37516) - you deserved it (2879)

On 02/13/2013 at 5:09pm - love - by okay then (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at an estate sale of my neighbor who recently passed. I recognized many items for sale that I had ordered or won on eBay from the past 8 years. Turns out the little old lady had been stealing my mail for close to a decade. FML

#20496903
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35641) - you deserved it (3232)

On 02/07/2013 at 10:24am - misc - by GarageSallin (man) -

Today, while on my way to the movies, I stopped at a gas station to pick up candy so I could avoid the high prices at the movies. The guy who tore my ticket asked for my purse, confiscated my candy, and then kicked me out of the movie theater. That guy was my boyfriend. FML

#20510592
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44108) - you deserved it (7843)

On 02/17/2013 at 10:50am - love - by Cheyennereed - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML

#20502853
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9338) - you deserved it (31515)

On 02/11/2013 at 9:30pm - misc - by notgay (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was running late for work and quickly grabbed my outfit from the dryer. I heard the crackling of static as I took out my shirt. I didn't think anything of it, until later when my co-worker pointed out I had a thong stuck to my back. FML

#20491168
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26021) - you deserved it (6993)

On 02/03/2013 at 2:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found a cup full of urine in the bathtub. No one in my family knows where it came from. This is the second time it's happened. FML

#20498051
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28834) - you deserved it (2264)

On 02/08/2013 at 10:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife mentioned that she wanted to give me a three-way. I was ecstatic, until she opened her right hand, only to reveal a 3-way lightbulb. FML

#20512105
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15712) - you deserved it (37710)

On 02/18/2013 at 12:23pm - intimacy - by phatdaddy62 (man) - United States

Today, I moved in with my new dorm mate. I'm prone to very frequent panic attacks that can only be alleviated by cold air. My roommate is severely anemic, and has violent shivering fits when the temperature is below 80. No matter what, one of us is always shaking uncontrollably. FML

Today, the guy that I've liked for a while but never had the courage to talk to was wearing a TARDIS shirt. I jokingly asked, "Are you the Doctor?" His response was for me to "Go away, f***ing nerd." FML

#20492128
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32496) - you deserved it (3976)

On 02/03/2013 at 9:16pm - love - by guessnot (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

#20501864
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20010) - you deserved it (8761)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:19am - love - by mr_loveless (man) - United States

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

#20503454
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12358) - you deserved it (30553)

On 02/12/2013 at 9:18am - love - by gassy - United States



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