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January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't have a hair tie, so I used a thong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daughter. I threw on my clothes, drove to pick her up, went to the store, and went for ice cream... thong still in my hair. FML

#20438564
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12836) - you deserved it (42160)

On 01/02/2013 at 12:33pm - health - by Embarrassed - United States

Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML

#20447129
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42810) - you deserved it (2432)

On 01/07/2013 at 11:16pm - misc - by legitweirdo - United States (New York)

Today, both my brother and sister missed my wedding. She was playing in a Call of Duty tournament, and he got so high that he forgot about the wedding completely. He was my best man. FML

#20458912
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46695) - you deserved it (3347)

On 01/14/2013 at 12:36pm - misc - by What a happy day (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had to beg my husband not to shave his pubic hair into a handlebar moustache. FML

#20442876
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20198) - you deserved it (3834)

On 01/04/2013 at 7:31pm - love - by marisa (woman) - Ireland (Carlow)

Today, after 3 years with my dream girl, I decided to pop the question by making her complete a scavenger hunt ending in her finding me, suit and everything, by the park bench where we had our first kiss. She came home tired and, instead of following the clues, decided to watch TV all day. FML

#20444582
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29826) - you deserved it (4547)

On 01/06/2013 at 3:49am - love - by ItRainedOutside (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided to go to a UV-light party dressed all in white. Before leaving, my little brother dumped a glass of tomato juice over my head saying, "Now you look just like a used tampon!" FML

#20456974
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38547) - you deserved it (4822)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by Mary - Czech Republic

Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

#20436185
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36635) - you deserved it (6257)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:26pm - intimacy - by lonely dreams - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML

#20443434
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30735) - you deserved it (5241)

On 01/05/2013 at 4:21am - intimacy - by kblevss (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a bull escaped from the small farm down the street. It ended up in my yard and would not let me outside. I called animal control, who said, "We only deal with regular animals." FML

#20465397
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32652) - you deserved it (2157)

On 01/17/2013 at 10:48pm - animals - by bull-stuff - United States (South Carolina)

Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML

#20457387
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35546) - you deserved it (2369)

On 01/13/2013 at 4:02pm - misc - by daughter of a gullible cunt (woman) - Australia

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

#20482358
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51361) - you deserved it (14511)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada

Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML

#20487313
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34911) - you deserved it (2406)

On 01/31/2013 at 5:28am - health - by I'maboutobarf - Australia

Today, I was yet again asked to show my hall pass. I'm 23 and work at a middle school. I've worked here for the last five months, so not only do I look 13 years old, I'm also not memorable enough for my own coworkers to recognize me. FML

#20454196
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35878) - you deserved it (2780)

On 01/11/2013 at 8:11pm - work - by Can'tAgeOrMakeFriends (woman) - United States



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