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January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML

#20454746
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29948) - you deserved it (7848)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:32am - love - by thanksbabe - United States

Today, I was babysitting, and a little girl asked for help with her homework. I cheerfully began an explanation, only to freeze mid-sentence. I could not for the life of me remember how to do long-division. I'm about to graduate from Cornell University, and her little brother had to correct me. FML

#20459773
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29706) - you deserved it (9252)

On 01/14/2013 at 9:52pm - kids - by IvyLeague? - United States (New York)

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML

#20442898
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24562) - you deserved it (4505)

On 01/04/2013 at 7:56pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Groningen)

Today, I learned that toddlers cannot fully digest raisins. I learned this first-hand when my 15-month-old began pooping them whole. In the bathtub. FML

#20442461
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18761) - you deserved it (6669)

On 01/04/2013 at 11:59am - kids - by Raela (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my parents have kept their bet going about not turning the heat on all season. I woke up this morning to it being the same temperature inside as it was outside. It's snowing out there. FML

#20470349
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28320) - you deserved it (1930)

On 01/20/2013 at 10:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I discovered that if I turn my shower off for a minute, then back on again, the water comes out scalding hot. I discovered that while the showerhead was pointed directly at my genitals. FML

#20436439
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28234) - you deserved it (8737)

On 01/01/2013 at 2:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, a girl I follow on Twitter tweeted, "Why can't I have a cute math tutor?" I'm her math tutor. FML

#20459715
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34057) - you deserved it (3646)

On 01/14/2013 at 9:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

#20458188
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34128) - you deserved it (6172)

On 01/13/2013 at 11:49pm - animals - by Abendigo77 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got fired from my job because I "look too grumpy." FML

#20437963
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28788) - you deserved it (9378)

On 01/02/2013 at 2:28am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML

#20484025
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7829) - you deserved it (40910)

On 01/28/2013 at 11:23pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had a fight with my boyfriend over a girl he is close to. He later arrived with flowers for what I thought was an apology. He was actually breaking up with me; the flowers were for her, he just didn't want to leave them in the car. FML

#20442364
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25514) - you deserved it (6574)

On 01/04/2013 at 9:08am - love - by damn (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML

#20465100
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34637) - you deserved it (9747)

On 01/17/2013 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by jakeeey - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a bottle of champagne for my birthday. This is the third year in a row she has done this. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and she's well aware of that fact. FML

#20462057
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37123) - you deserved it (2751)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:36am - health - by Ari (woman) -



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