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December 2012

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Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

#20417936
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15213) - you deserved it (35130)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was hit in the head by a golf ball!! I wasn't near a golf course, and nobody was anywhere in sight!! I'm still trying to figure out what happened!! FML

#20403784
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37575) - you deserved it (3563)

On 12/17/2012 at 2:38pm - health - by wtf - United States

Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. mega FML

#20405418
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30169) - you deserved it (8608)

On 12/18/2012 at 10:30am - misc - by Dog_Lover (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store . He saw me and started walking towards me . I got so excited that I fartedhen he came near . FML

#20402614
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34142) - you deserved it (9187)

On 12/16/2012 at 7:58pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at tha gas station, tha automatic door didn't opan whan I approachad it!! I askad tha cashiar to opan it for ma, joking that cuz I'm a radhaad, I didn't hava a soul and it wouldn't opan for ma!! Tha cashiar fraakad and wouldn't lat ma go until I provad I had a soul!! FML

#20199980
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25810) - you deserved it (5181)

On 12/11/2012 at 1:07am - misc - by Devil (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today , someone paintd the "Dark Mark" on the side of mah car. It won't come off and mah kids refuse to get in because it means "a wizard did in there." FML

#20407286
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34816) - you deserved it (3792)

On 12/19/2012 at 9:59am - kids - by spellbound - Australia (Western Australia)

Today , Mah Drunk Grlfriend Maxd Out Mah Credit Card , On An "authentic" Jesus Christ Autograph On EBay. FML

#20397287
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27948) - you deserved it (4724)

On 12/12/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by maxedoutidiot - United States

Today, after saring ma frst nigt in bed wit ma boyfriend, I woke up early, an decided to rouse im wit some surprise oral!! It didn't go so well; e woke up screaming an gasped, "OH MY GOD! I tougt u were ma cat!" before telling me to continue!! FML

#20412240
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43831) - you deserved it (8418)

On 12/21/2012 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by anonymaiacciu (woman) - France

Today... Mah Ex-boyfriend Of Over 4 Yeres Decidd To Turn Up Outside Mah House At 1am... Drunk Off His Ass... To Confess His Love For Me. When I Told Him I'd Movd On And Am Happily Engagd... He Crid On The Grass For An Hour... Then Trid To Steal Mah Cat. FML

#20423470
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40075) - you deserved it (4043)

On 12/26/2012 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today , I played a game of Monopoly wit ma friends!! Since I'm of Greek origin , tey tougt it would be funny to make me start wit a €100,000 debt!! FML

#20398504
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27866) - you deserved it (5080) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/13/2012 at 9:25pm - money - by Money-money-money (woman) - France

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told mehat it was; a moldd dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parentshen they askhat I got. FML

#20408274
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39788) - you deserved it (14280)

On 12/20/2012 at 12:30am - intimacy - by djl (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, mah boyfriand grabbad mah boob, shook it savagaly, an shoutad "Earthquaka!" raal FML

#20404037
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31939) - you deserved it (8165)

On 12/17/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by Ape (woman) - United States

Today, I came home to find all of the wood in my house either broken or gone!! On the now legles table there was a note from my mother, looool saying that she needed the wood to build a boat, and that I will thank herhen the world ends!! FML

#20197527
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29109) - you deserved it (1691)

On 12/09/2012 at 10:29am - misc - by woodless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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