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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML

#20121138
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25509) - you deserved it (1714)

On 10/17/2012 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, while working at the daycare, I had to clean the entire place. During the next four hours, I scooped up three human teeth, a rotten log of shit, a tire iron, a condom wrapper, and a yogurt that expired in 2003. I only cleaned the place a week ago. FML

#20106106
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25815) - you deserved it (1934)

On 10/07/2012 at 5:41pm - kids - by Skidmark Sally - United States (New Mexico)

Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML

#20107056
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25904) - you deserved it (5304)

On 10/08/2012 at 5:12am - love - by embarrassed (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to tell my 10-year-old son that if he wanted to get girls, he had to do the Gangnam Style. My son has now non-stop been doing the Gangnam Style. FML

#20136801
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21499) - you deserved it (4143)

On 10/28/2012 at 10:53am - kids - by friedbutter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML

#20117813
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34964) - you deserved it (2689)

On 10/15/2012 at 8:10am - intimacy - by scarred_sibling - United States

Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML

#20113152
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29603) - you deserved it (2131)

On 10/12/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by Dino (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, at work, my buddy pulled up in his car. I handed him $40, and he handed me a bag. It must have looked like a drug deal, but he was actually just smuggling in the new Pokémon game for me. I'm 22, and a drug deal would probably have been less embarrassing to explain. FML

#20109009
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20014) - you deserved it (7401)

On 10/09/2012 at 12:03pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

#20137874
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21117) - you deserved it (3974)

On 10/28/2012 at 11:10pm - work - by Medic - United States (Washington)

Today, while looking through the camera my boyfriend got me, I found a video of a girl giving him head. After screaming at him about it and breaking up with him, I realized the girl was a drunken me. FML

#20119129
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10809) - you deserved it (63264)

On 10/16/2012 at 1:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 5 years back. Still bitter, I said, "Hey baby, you remember riding me 5 years ago?" I was then punched in the face and restrained until the police arrived. She'd been having an 8 year anniversary dinner with her husband. FML

#20131351
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17098) - you deserved it (45902)

On 10/24/2012 at 2:26pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to a gift from my boyfriend: a Playboy magazine with a Post-It note that said, "Just a reminder that you're easily replaceable." I think he's still mad at me for beating him on X-box. FML

#20137933
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27808) - you deserved it (3397)

On 10/28/2012 at 11:39pm - love - by becca (woman) - United States

Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML

#20109382
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22499) - you deserved it (3464)

On 10/09/2012 at 6:56pm - kids - by fionnathehuman - United States

Today, my mom screeched at me about my pillowcase being dirty and finished off one long rant with an irate "Who raised you to be such a pig?" Her anger multiplied by ten when I asked if it was a trick question. FML

#20098049
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22978) - you deserved it (7397)

On 10/02/2012 at 6:29am - misc - by kira (woman) - United States



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