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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mom screeched at me about my pillowcase being dirty and finished off one long rant with an irate "Who raised you to be such a pig?" Her anger multiplied by ten when I asked if it was a trick question. FML

#20098049
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20371) - you deserved it (6950)

On 10/02/2012 at 6:29am - misc - by kira (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

#20105380
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32159) - you deserved it (6617)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML

#20104739
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27196) - you deserved it (6962)

On 10/06/2012 at 8:05pm - kids - by TheVirginJenny - United States (Washington)

Today, I saw a man lying face down in a field and thinking he was injured, I ran over to help. As soon as I got to him, I realized he was completely naked. He stood up and chased after me. FML

#20131002
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25932) - you deserved it (2309)

On 10/24/2012 at 7:14am - misc - by bill - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML

#20097984
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27309) - you deserved it (2842)

On 10/02/2012 at 3:10am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while looking through the camera my boyfriend got me, I found a video of a girl giving him head. After screaming at him about it and breaking up with him, I realized the girl was a drunken me. FML

#20119129
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9920) - you deserved it (60198)

On 10/16/2012 at 1:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at work, my buddy pulled up in his car. I handed him $40, and he handed me a bag. It must have looked like a drug deal, but he was actually just smuggling in the new Pokémon game for me. I'm 22, and a drug deal would probably have been less embarrassing to explain. FML

#20109009
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18766) - you deserved it (7189)

On 10/09/2012 at 12:03pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was getting out of the car when I saw a dark figure approaching me from behind a shed. I screamed and threw my bag. It also threw its bag, due to the fact that it was my shadow on the wall. FML

#20123366
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8588) - you deserved it (23552)

On 10/19/2012 at 12:06am - misc - by ktreens (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I said "bless you" to a nice man who sneezed on the subway. That nice man has now followed me home and stood outside my apartment complex for two hours, claiming to be my "soulmate." FML

#20136351
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31655) - you deserved it (2575)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:22am - love - by prettylady? - United States

Today, for the second time, I met the man I'm having an arranged marriage with in 3 months. I'd previously met him last night, while he was mugging me. FML

#20120711
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40688) - you deserved it (2991)

On 10/17/2012 at 6:15am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

#20137874
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18684) - you deserved it (3625)

On 10/28/2012 at 11:10pm - work - by Medic - United States (Washington)

Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML

#20111636
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22546) - you deserved it (4012)

On 10/11/2012 at 2:59am - kids - by Failed Parent - United States

Today, I had to explain to my 22-year-old boyfriend that mice do not grow up to be rats. FML

#20096649
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22741) - you deserved it (2575)

On 10/01/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)



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