Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22374) - you deserved it (3168)
On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22037) - you deserved it (2843)
On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18936) - you deserved it (4581)
On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States
Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62991) - you deserved it (6332)
On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)
Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21423) - you deserved it (12043)
On 10/16/2012 at 8:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my dad asked me to clean the trash on our acreage. I was cleaning around the tree line when I came across a particularly heavy bag. I ran inside to ask my dad for help moving it. He looked inside the bag to see what it could be. It was a human body. Someone had thrown it over our fence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48619) - you deserved it (1786)
On 10/22/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, while walking on a nearly empty street, my friend dared me to slap a tall muscular chick on the butt and run away. I went and did it, but before I even had a chance to turn and run, she grabbed me, bent me over her knee and spanked me until I cried. My friend filmed it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5134) - you deserved it (33598)
On 10/24/2012 at 1:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7536) - you deserved it (28226)
On 10/30/2012 at 2:08am - love - by Andrew (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28462) - you deserved it (4131)
On 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20166) - you deserved it (4046)
On 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by L (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)
Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25838) - you deserved it (2430)
On 10/09/2012 at 1:53am - kids - by anonymous - United States
Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen for my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4155) - you deserved it (36319)
On 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, while I was using my computer, my cat ran up to the power strip, looked me in the eyes, and hit the power switch, turning everything off. She does this quite often. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17501) - you deserved it (3153)
On 10/14/2012 at 3:00am - animals - by stop it ninja - United States (Virginia)
Monday 17 June 2013
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