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October 2012

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Today, mah son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis . He then used the copie to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school . FML

#20128322
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29880) - you deserved it (4533)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, mah parents gave me a sock and looool card 4 mah eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." mega FML

#20118693
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28012) - you deserved it (3436)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, a cute grl sitting next to me asked if she could use mah phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25563) - you deserved it (6600)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today.. . mah 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant . The father is mah 15-year-old son . FML

#20111886
521 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75323) - you deserved it (8810)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I Tried Role Playing With My Boyfriend. As I Cummed Out In Sexy Lingerie, I Announced, "I'm Natalia, A Russian Spy Fluent In 2 Languages: Russian And Yur Cock." He Laughed So Hard He Practically Pissed Himself. The Night Ended In Me Doing His Laundry. Alone. FML

#20119371
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32036) - you deserved it (18493)

On 10/16/2012 at 8:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

yesterday wilst in an argument wit my grlfriend, I told er se was te craziest bitc I'd ever met. Se responded wit "Callenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

#20139786
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10310) - you deserved it (40763)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:08am - love - by Andrew (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving brth to her frst litter of kittens. FML

#20099894
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35798) - you deserved it (4858)

On 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

TODAY, I WOKE UP AFTER AVING A DREAM WIC INCLUDED SEX WIT A VERY OT GUY. I REALIZED IT'S ABOUT TIME I GET LAID, BECAUSE TE OT GUY WAS BROCK FROM POKÉMON. FML

#20119984
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31218) - you deserved it (6236)

On 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by L (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today , mah wedding ring went missing. Later , mah 3-year-old came to me crying , he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off , he peed on me. real FML

#20108644
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34296) - you deserved it (3556)

On 10/09/2012 at 1:53am - kids - by anonymous - United States

Today, While I Was Using Mah Computer, Mah Cat Ran Up To The Power Strip, Looked Me In The Eyes, And Hit The Power Switch, Turning Everything Off. She Does This Quite Often. FML

#20116072
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23428) - you deserved it (4285)

On 10/14/2012 at 3:00am - animals - by stop it ninja - United States (Virginia)

Today , after having bought mah daughter a complete set of new school clothes , she threw a tantrum and refused to wear them. I told her she could either wear them , or go to school naked. She made if half-way down the street in the nude before I caught up and dragged her back inside. FML

#20102964
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26819) - you deserved it (9339)

On 10/05/2012 at 2:22pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wokingham)

Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen fir my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML

#20127252
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5926) - you deserved it (51209)

On 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today , I went to te ospital in labor expecting a baby boy . I ended te day wit identical twins , a baffled doctor , and a usband convinced tat our sons can clone temselves . FML

#20139353
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27138) - you deserved it (2508)

On 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm - kids - by CutestBoysEver (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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