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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mom turned off all internet access in our house because she thought I spent too much time on the computer. She later asked me why she couldn't get on Facebook. FML

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

#20090283
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18423) - you deserved it (2342)

On 09/26/2012 at 10:29pm - love - by - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML

#20081199
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31965) - you deserved it (2320)

On 09/20/2012 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by MistressSuzuka (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I learned I'm not allergic to gluten. My mom has kept me on a gluten free diet since I was 5. She was convinced I was allergic to it. I'm 25 and I am writing this over my first slice of pizza in 20 years. FML

#20057669
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32101) - you deserved it (1800)

On 09/04/2012 at 5:38pm - health - by Emma - United States (Missouri)

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

#20086703
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25842) - you deserved it (5776)

On 09/24/2012 at 3:16pm - intimacy - by disgusted - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend in the bathroom, we heard a knock at the door, then her father's voice. I had to fake constipation noises until he left. FML

#20053940
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22154) - you deserved it (12143)

On 09/02/2012 at 11:38am - intimacy - by scot - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend's transition into an annoying hipster is complete. It started with the not-really-necessary nerd glasses and the Mötley Crüe t-shirt, the final straw being the affected British accent. I'm considering where to dump the body. FML

#20086118
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24124) - you deserved it (2735)

On 09/24/2012 at 1:07am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. My dad noticed my depression and got me to tell him what was wrong. I told him everything, and trusting him to have an intelligent suggestion, I asked him what I should do. He shrugged and said, "Fuck, sue him, I dunno." FML

#20082521
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19858) - you deserved it (2422)

On 09/21/2012 at 7:20pm - love - by Pissed (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was finally paid back by a friend who wrote a check out. Not really looking at it, I went to the bank to deposit it. As I handed it to the teller, I noticed that he had written "sex" in the "for" memo. FML

#20074336
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20469) - you deserved it (3523)

On 09/16/2012 at 9:46am - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my sister walked into my room, saying her boyfriend "forgot something." She then reached under my bed and pulled out a pair of boxers and a condom wrapper. Her response to my disgust was, "My bed was dirty." FML

#20077937
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29898) - you deserved it (2004)

On 09/18/2012 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by useyourownbed (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

#20064384
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24788) - you deserved it (6002)

On 09/09/2012 at 8:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized just how clingy my boyfriend is, when he pulled out in the middle of sex, lay down and hugged me, and said in his "adorable" voice that he didn't really want to have sex, but cuddle. I wouldn't mind if it didn't happen so often. FML

#20088123
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28882) - you deserved it (4569)

On 09/25/2012 at 1:42pm - intimacy - by orgasmsareoverratedanyway (woman) - Norway (Nordland)

Today, I decided to be a gentleman and let an old lady have my seat on the bus. Before I could even get up, she sat on my lap and wouldn't get off. I got an involuntary lap dance from a grandma. FML



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