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Thursday 21 February 2013

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Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 8:43am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous

Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 9:56pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I downloaded a movie that I already own on DVD, because I was feeling too lazy to get up and fetch it from the living room. I think I've hit rock bottom. FML

by lolo / 02/21/2013 at 7:16pm / Israel (HaDarom) / Miscellaneous

Today, my bus got held up in traffic, so I arrived home about 15 minutes late. My mum bitched me out, accused me of sleeping around, and grounded me. All this while my brother raged at his video game in the other room, screaming stuff such as "EAT SHIT, YOU CUNTS!" with total impunity. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 1:45pm / Australia (Queensland) / Transportation

Today, I realized just how bad I am in bed when my girlfriend literally yawned the words, "Oh God" while attempting to fake an orgasm. FML

by pornhastaughtmenothing / 02/21/2013 at 3:46am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML

by tomedicalforlove / 02/21/2013 at 12:51am / Love

Today, after half a year of flirting back and forth, I went to a fancy party thrown by the guy I really like. He met me at the door and introduced me to everyone as, "the lovely Meghan". I thought I finally had a chance, until he introduced me to his girlfriend of five years. FML

by Meghan / 02/21/2013 at 8:33pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I realized my acne is so bad that the Facebook face recognition could recognize all of my friends in a group photo except me. FML

by SadFace / 02/21/2013 at 8:04am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, a co-worker invited me to go out for lunch with him. I politely declined, saying I had too many errands to do. The truth is that I'm just too broke. I'll be buying myself a burrito using quarters I found on the floor of my car. FML

Today, I went back home after seeing the doctor, I told my boyfriend my new medicine might cause some mood swings. He immediately grabbed his phone and pretended to take a call, then rushed out. FML

by NewDrugs / 02/21/2013 at 8:21pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health