Saturday 11 August 2012 
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Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24378) - you deserved it (6206)
On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)
Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10550) - you deserved it (32418)
On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my boyfriend cutely climbed through my bedroom window for some sexy time. He decided he'd introduce bondage. As I was tied to the bed, completely naked, we heard the front door open. He got scared and left via the window, leaving me handcuffed to my bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22500) - you deserved it (5284)
On 08/11/2012 at 2:53am - intimacy - by dafuqdidihear (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was on the bus when I felt a big yawn coming on, one so big that my mouth stretched and my eyes closed. It was at this point that the strange man beside me decided to lean over at lightning speed and put his tongue in my mouth. Technically it was my first kiss. I'm 21 years old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31858) - you deserved it (3225)
On 08/11/2012 at 6:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26667) - you deserved it (1432)
On 08/11/2012 at 3:37pm - work - by mikeissad (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my social anxiety hit a new low. I was playing bingo and, although I won, I didn't shout "bingo" because I thought too many people would look at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19831) - you deserved it (6923)
On 08/11/2012 at 10:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, I was debating with my now ex-boyfriend over the ethics of using torture in interrogations of suspected criminals. It took just ten minutes before he freely admitted that he'd have no problem "torturing the shit" out of me if he even suspected I was seeing another man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15060) - you deserved it (2494)
On 08/11/2012 at 12:38pm - love - by what the actual fuck (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my girlfriend received a scam email about her great uncle dying and leaving her money. She not only believed it, but she also used my credit card details for it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19547) - you deserved it (1716)
On 08/11/2012 at 5:13am - money - by scammerssuck - Ireland (Dublin)
Today, it was my twenty-first birthday, and a couple of friends took me out to celebrate. After ordering us shots throughout the night, my friends took off abruptly, leaving me with my very first bar tab. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18750) - you deserved it (1993)
On 08/11/2012 at 1:53pm - money - by Chamorru (man) - Finland (Southern Finland)
Today, I accidentally sprayed some perfume in my eye. After rinsing said burning eye with water for a few minutes, I half-blindly grabbed the eyedrops my sister left on the counter and used some. They were actually tea tree oil drops. Ouch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14976) - you deserved it (3136)
On 08/11/2012 at 2:21am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Friday 24 May 2013
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