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Tuesday 26 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She asked if the ring was a temporary thing until I got a better one, saw my dumbfounded face, then played it off as a joke and said yes. I later found out she'd posted on Facebook bitching about the ring, but with the privacy setting set to hide it from me. FML

#20975896
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54652) - you deserved it (4944)

On 11/30/2013 at 3:29pm - love - by fuckface? I wish (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

#20972170
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30994) - you deserved it (14714)

On 11/27/2013 at 3:44am - health - by MissYouPieceOfSkin (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my fiancé left me waiting at the train station for two and a half hours because he offered his ex-girlfriend a lift to her friends wedding that was a few cities away. I normally wouldn't have minded, but I'm 6 months pregnant and it was pouring with rain. FML

Today, my girlfriend wants to make a video of us having sex for us to watch later and figure out how to improve our skills in bed. The problem is her choice of cameraman: her uncle. FML

#20978171
204 comments

Today, I dyed my hair. And my forehead. And my ears. And my arms. And my hands. FML

Today, my family and I finished moving to Texas. As if that isn't bad enough, I'll have to introduce myself all over again to everyone I meet and explain that yes, my parents really did name me Lilypad. FML

#20973574
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45966) - you deserved it (3799)

On 11/28/2013 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother in-law made dessert. It was a beautiful chocolate cake, chocolate cookies, and every other thing had chocolate in it. I'm deathly allergic to chocolate and she knows this. FML

#20975692
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46166) - you deserved it (3224)

On 11/30/2013 at 11:09am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

#20977282
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44238) - you deserved it (19842)

On 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm - work - by fuck my eyeballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that if you accidentally step on your boss's dog's tail, yes, you can get fired. But not because you stepped on the dog's tail. You didn't say sorry. FML

#20979207
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26114) - you deserved it (37396)

On 12/03/2013 at 9:04am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was searched and questioned at the airport for having an apple. FML

#20971832
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37929) - you deserved it (4261)

On 11/26/2013 at 9:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML

#20971339
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36812) - you deserved it (9144)

On 11/26/2013 at 1:35pm - misc - by fack (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized my girlfriend has been "on her period" for almost two months. FML

#20975537
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49174) - you deserved it (10473)

On 11/30/2013 at 3:31am - intimacy - by Jack - United States (Ohio)

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

#20969815
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66852) - you deserved it (5561)

On 11/25/2013 at 1:16am - intimacy - by why god - United States (California)



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