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Friday 25 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, during dinner, my mom told my dad and me in great detail about the "awesome" new cosmetic surgery idea she just had: constructing earlobes for lobeless ears, using skin taken from women's labia. I was forced to sit through this until I finished my plate. FML

#20941234
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41789) - you deserved it (3722)

On 11/01/2013 at 10:17am - intimacy - by Champignon (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, I enjoyed a romantic evening at home with my husband while a babysitter took care of my 5-year-old daughter. After she came home, she told me the sitter let her use her "weird swing." I wasn't too worried, until she said it was indoors, and I realized she was describing a sex swing. FML

#20935603
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39205) - you deserved it (4086)

On 10/27/2013 at 12:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my boyfriend and I watched Star Trek Into Darkness together. He liked it so much that he's now chosen to yell "KHAAANNNNN!" as he cums. FML

#20933461
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42675) - you deserved it (6738)

On 10/25/2013 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by NOKHAN (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML

#20941762
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21478) - you deserved it (50393)

On 11/01/2013 at 7:55pm - health - by nl4 (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I got my cats a new scratching post. They completely ignored it and tore apart the new felt on my pool table. FML

#20938376
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35390) - you deserved it (4520)

On 10/29/2013 at 8:41pm - animals - by Nish (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while visiting my mother, she asked my son who his favorite parent was. As a growing boy, he chose his father. I don't mind, except she then asked, "So, whose side are you taking in the divorce?" My husband and I have no marital issues. My son refuses to believe us. FML

#20932049
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43424) - you deserved it (3245)

On 10/24/2013 at 2:05am - kids - by he's still not convinced (woman) - United States

Today, I told the man my girlfriend has been cheating on me with all about her infidelity. He didn't get angry; he just said that he knew, that they were in an open relationship, and that I was pretty stupid to have not figured it out sooner. FML

#20941848
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42995) - you deserved it (5906)

On 11/01/2013 at 9:20pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I was refereeing a soccer match and I called a foul. An angry coach kept screaming at me, saying "You're crazy!" I asked him to leave the field. As he left, he lifted his middle finger and screamed, "FUCK YOU!" I ref 5-year-olds. FML

#20937864
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44022) - you deserved it (3017)

On 10/29/2013 at 12:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my dog got out of the house. I was running after him and remembered the old "pretend you're hurt" trick. I got on the ground, and cried out as if I was hurt. My dog just kept running. FML

Today, while researching tea etiquette for Sunday's tea, I read, "to put milk in your tea before sugar is to cross the path of love, perhaps never to marry." I suddenly panicked that this very lack of knowledge is why I haven't met a man who wants to marry me, and that I never will. I'm only 23. FML

#20940705
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29929) - you deserved it (8678)

On 10/31/2013 at 9:11pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I'm severely sunburned and can barely walk properly. My boyfriend keeps telling his friends that it's because of "how hard he gave it to me last night". FML

#20936372
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52476) - you deserved it (9222)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:51am - intimacy - by snowwhite (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML

#20928390
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41334) - you deserved it (5068)

On 10/21/2013 at 12:18am - kids - by Wheredigowrong - United States (Iowa)

Today, a hornet thought it would be fun to fly into a candle that I had lit. As the hornet burned to death, it flung its charred body at my face, which is more painful than it sounds. FML

#20936891
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39744) - you deserved it (3102)

On 10/28/2013 at 4:18pm - misc - by Asshole hornet - United States (Massachusetts)



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