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Sunday 20 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I decided to try LSD with a few friends in a safe environment. As an artist, I had planned to spend my trip doing psychedelic paintings and had all my supplies set up. Apparently I spent most of my time in fetal position muttering about the "evil easel" and never even touched my canvas. FML

#20930479
333 comments

Today, it hit me that I'm incredibly pathetic, when at the age of 21, I tucked my stuffed animals into bed with me, facing in different directions so they could keep watch for monsters while I slept. FML

#20922788
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43162) - you deserved it (14271)

On 10/16/2013 at 2:48pm - misc - by SaveMeTeddy (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got married. My husband and I had been waiting until marriage to have sex, and when the time came, we started to undress. As I took my bra off, his eyes glazed over, and he fainted. An hour later, all he could say was, "I don't think we're meant to be together." FML

#20936013
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64002) - you deserved it (8498)

On 10/27/2013 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML

#20932505
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55228) - you deserved it (3682)

On 10/24/2013 at 4:06pm - misc - by soon to be divorced (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for knowing more about Batman than he does. He's only seen some of the movies, and as a kid my dad owned a comic book store. He still doesn't see why I should know more, because I'm a girl, and "girls aren't supposed to know about super heroes." FML

#20921778
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49101) - you deserved it (3611)

On 10/15/2013 at 5:48pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the kid next to me asked me, in all seriousness, if gay people have feelings like regular people. I'm gay, and I have to sit next to this barnacle until June. FML

#20929195
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48651) - you deserved it (8373)

On 10/21/2013 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my mom let me stay home from school, because I was sick. We both agreed not to tell my dad, since he's adamant that I never miss even one day of school. A few hours after my mom left for work, he came back home, with another woman. FML

#20925128
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66869) - you deserved it (3085)

On 10/18/2013 at 12:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, the tickets I bought for my favorite band's concert arrived in the mail. The concert was last night. FML

#20935170
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45809) - you deserved it (4136)

On 10/27/2013 at 12:11am - misc - by MsConfusedd (woman) - United States

Today, I asked my students to buy a copy of Anne Frank's diary for an assignment. One of them asked me in all seriousness who wrote it. FML

#20925665
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42953) - you deserved it (4494) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/18/2013 at 8:05pm - kids - by Huedadaa - France (Picardie)

Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML

#20935582
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43527) - you deserved it (4882)

On 10/27/2013 at 12:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I saw a wasp on the ground, apparently injured and unable to fly. It was being mobbed by ants and looked certain to die, so I stamped on the ants to save its life. At this point it sprung up, stung me, then flew off. FML

#20932403
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36118) - you deserved it (25129)

On 10/24/2013 at 2:04pm - animals - by MBean (man) - Anguilla

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

#20929956
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45000) - you deserved it (4767)

On 10/22/2013 at 5:12am - animals - by IamAflyingCat - United States



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