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Sunday 28 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML

#20814794
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67237) - you deserved it (5801)

On 08/01/2013 at 3:36am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to my father for advice. I've been seeing a wonderful girl for the past month, and I feel terrible about it, because I already have a girlfriend. He said "Kill yourself" and that if I "can't even do that right" then to get out of his house, because he disowns me. FML

#20805096
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28126) - you deserved it (64446)

On 07/26/2013 at 6:11pm - love - by i suck, this i know :( (man) - Malawi (Blantyre)

Today, my step-brother said to me, "If we weren't related I would fuck you so hard." Mom says I should "be grateful for such a nice compliment." FML

#20809554
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62228) - you deserved it (5407)

On 07/29/2013 at 11:07am - misc - by PrettyScared (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my 18-year-old daughter texted me and told me that she got in a car crash. She texted, "I forgot wich way wus left lol" and then quickly added "yolo right? Lol". FML

#20814697
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58213) - you deserved it (10371)

On 08/01/2013 at 2:21am - kids - by father of the year - United States

Today, I was convinced by my friends to watch an episode of the American TV show "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo". They said it was bad, but I didn't anticipate having a full-blown panic attack ten minutes into it. FML

#20819060
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40302) - you deserved it (8813)

On 08/03/2013 at 5:57pm - health - by WTF, America? (man) - Sweden

Today, while taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket. I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool. Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet. I was robbed with my own knife. FML

Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML

#20815318
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59071) - you deserved it (6529)

On 08/01/2013 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by countryblumpkin (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML

#20810087
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51217) - you deserved it (11672)

On 07/29/2013 at 5:18pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I couldn't move without people talking to me about the "Royal Baby". It's like it's actually going to have an effect on my life. FML

#20797431
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41054) - you deserved it (5860)

On 07/22/2013 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, I found out that when I text my boyfriend, he isn't the one to read them. Instead, he pays his friend to "keep the bitch busy." FML

#20813368
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59755) - you deserved it (6342)

On 07/31/2013 at 12:49pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML

#20809292
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61056) - you deserved it (9108)

On 07/29/2013 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my sister backed out of my wedding because it was becoming too much about me. After I begged her to reconsider, I had no choice but to pick a new bridesmaid. When my new bridesmaid posted on Facebook how excited she was, my sister commented, "See, you made HER feel special." FML

#20802578
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49686) - you deserved it (3541)

On 07/25/2013 at 6:55am - misc - by chumpslolo - United States (Ohio)

Today, I discovered that my wife named our kids after her former lovers. We have two sons and a daughter. FML

#20819538
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48493) - you deserved it (4853)

On 08/03/2013 at 11:29pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)



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