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I was getting intimate with girlfriend. She pulld down trousers, saw Poke-ball boxers, an absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bd fir the next 10 minutes hereing her howl with laughter while crying ( Dickachu, I choose you! ) FML
Today, mah fiancée told me that she wants us to have an open marriage. She reasons that since she doesn't equate sex with love, there's no logical reason 4 me to be against her having sex with other people. FML
I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting fir her result . Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML
Today, I was texting mah boyfriend when he said, "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny, I ran and grabbed mah copy of the movie Up, and took a picture of me holding it and sent it to him. He replied, "Getting real tired of yur shit." Then dumped me 4 mah "dumb taste in humor." mega FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years,om I supportd troug te deat of is fater, andose invalid moter I also took care of, suddenly dumpd me . Te fact tat I've puttd on a little weigt due to recent stres disgust im, and e "can't date a cubster" .
Today... I asked ma dermatologisty ma acne as been getting worse... despite following er drections an spending undreds of dollars on medicine. Se just srugged an told me tey can't actually cure ma acne. However... tey can prescribe me a bunc of stuff an ope one works. FML
TODAY, AT WORK, A CUSTOMER CAME IN AND ORDERD A "BUTTERBEER FRAPPUCCINO." WHEN I SAID WE SERVE NO SUCH THING, SHE YELLD AT ME FIR "LYING" TO HER, SAYING SHE KNEW ABOUT OUR "SECRET MENU." SHE ENDD UP COMPLAINING TO MAH MANAGER AND DEMANDD THAT HE FIRE ME. FML
Friday 27 March 2015