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Monday 29 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML

Today, I confessed to cheating to my girlfriend. She decided to go up to the girl and ask her about it. The girl denied it and said she didn't even know me. My girlfriend walked up to me, called me a liar and punched me in the face. FML

#20629579
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23146) - you deserved it (55636)

On 04/29/2013 at 1:26am - love - by bad day Brutus (man) - United States

Today, my former fiancée, who I stopped seeing 5 months ago, married another guy. She wore the dress that I'd purchased for our would-be wedding. FML

#20630309
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54451) - you deserved it (5012)

On 04/29/2013 at 1:07pm - love - by Good Luck Chuck (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom asked me what a MILF is. Apparently that's her nickname at work. FML

#20634708
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50241) - you deserved it (3892)

On 05/01/2013 at 11:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML

#20641408
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45789) - you deserved it (7588)

On 05/04/2013 at 5:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML

#20639297
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47832) - you deserved it (4626)

On 05/03/2013 at 5:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany

Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML

#20642261
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50875) - you deserved it (9920)

On 05/05/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by dancer, not a hooker... - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boss fired me for acting "inappropriately" at work. I gave him a hug. He's my dad. FML

#20638777
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62102) - you deserved it (7544)

On 05/03/2013 at 11:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, the girl that I've been madly in love with was demanding I tell her who I liked. I told her no, I should just keep it a secret, but she demanded I tell her. After I told her, the only response I got was, "You're right. You should have kept that a secret." FML

#20644845
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61094) - you deserved it (5772)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:49am - love - by walkingdead_1029 - United States (Arizona)

Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML

#20638629
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50273) - you deserved it (6851)

On 05/03/2013 at 8:13am - intimacy - by Who1s269 (man) - United States

Today, I had a job interview at the local donut shop. It turns out I misunderstood the position, and that the job was actually to wear a donut costume and wave at cars outside the shop. I was told this after I got hired. FML

#20630021
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38703) - you deserved it (8304)

On 04/29/2013 at 9:39am - work - by sdeeter (man) - United States

Today, my fiancée broke off our engagement. For some bizarre reason, she'd hidden a pair of expensive boots and her iPad underneath our ride-on mower. I turned the mower on and destroyed both without realizing it. According to her, the fault is all mine. FML

#20630400
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49691) - you deserved it (3388)

On 04/29/2013 at 2:07pm - love - by Wow. Really? - United States (Ohio)



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