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Friday 5 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was in the break room with my colleagues and our awful boss. As ever, he was talking trash, convinced that his jokes were actually funny. The window was open, and it was chilly. As he walked by it, I mangled my words and said, "Cedric, could you please shut your mouth?" FML

#20581032
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29094) - you deserved it (7333) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/08/2013 at 5:10pm - misc - by La Guigne - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I woke up from a nightmare that I've been having for a couple of weeks. In the nightmare I'm shot four times in the back by none other than my mother. I'm getting worried. FML

#20575675
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31059) - you deserved it (3019)

On 04/05/2013 at 1:28am - misc - by slightlyworried (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to work at a hotel. One of the guests decided to play the piano in the lobby. He's deaf. Unfortunately, I'm not. FML

#20575584
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30565) - you deserved it (6370)

On 04/05/2013 at 12:20am - work - by torturedears (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 16-year-old son convinced my 14-year-old daughter that she wasn't allowed to use the ladies bathroom at the shopping centre, because she wasn't wearing a dress like the girl on the sign. He told her girls in pants always used the other one. She believed him. This is my legacy. FML

#20580049
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43038) - you deserved it (6425)

On 04/08/2013 at 12:26am - kids - by badparent (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, thinking I was alone at work, I did an impression of Goldar from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I turned around to find out I wasn't alone; a cute girl was staring at me, unimpressed. FML

#20582957
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27643) - you deserved it (18870)

On 04/09/2013 at 10:44pm - work - by Goldar - United States

Today, I was working at a daycare. There was a 6-year-old boy pretending to be my doctor, holding a little, plastic thermometer. He then, without warning, quickly shoved it deep into my ear. The last thing I heard was his giggle. I think I'm deaf. FML

#20575140
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39839) - you deserved it (3539)

On 04/04/2013 at 7:55pm - kids - by icanthearyou (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got called an "evil Nazi bitch" because I let a customer know that this is the last day our store will have free plastic bags. FML

#20581805
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34124) - you deserved it (3217)

On 04/09/2013 at 4:18am - work - by steppppphhhhhh - United States (California)

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML

#20570966
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44647) - you deserved it (3127)

On 04/02/2013 at 12:11am - work - by QuinnyZebrass (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was out when a guy walking with his girlfriend eyed me up. I made a shocked face at him and kept walking. The next thing I knew, his girlfriend was beating the shit out of me claiming that I was "the other woman." I'd never seen the guy before in my life. FML

#20581007
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40711) - you deserved it (4352)

On 04/08/2013 at 6:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)

Today, I went to the funeral of my friend's brother. It was the first funeral I'd gone to, and I was really nervous. When the service finished, everyone went to pay their respects to the family. After I paid mine, they said, "Thank you for coming." I instictively replied, "My pleasure." FML

#20586993
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38874) - you deserved it (17509)

On 04/12/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I realized that my Twitter profile was very public when my business professor made fun of student tweets in class. My tweet went, "Totally bullshitting this business report" about the report I had just handed in, worth a large portion of my grade. FML

#20584642
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13324) - you deserved it (79691)

On 04/11/2013 at 3:49am - work - by imscrewed - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I started my new job as a mail carrier. One of my assigned roads was Milbrooke Street, which I'd never heard of. After driving around for ages trying to find it, I called for directions. The street doesn't exist in my city; it's just the boss' way of seeing how stupid you are. FML

#20584939
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34232) - you deserved it (7851)

On 04/11/2013 at 12:18pm - work - by Directionally challenged - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm guessing it was a bad sign when she started to go over the shopping list. FML

#20585940
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46876) - you deserved it (13675)

On 04/12/2013 at 1:05am - intimacy - by Fml (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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