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Thursday 21 March 2013

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Today, my husband woke up, rolled over, and said, "Good morning, beautiful." He hasn't called me that in months, but as I was about to reply, I realized he was talking to his pet turtle, not me. FML

by Maggie / 03/18/2013 at 3:38pm / United States / Love

Today, I finally made the connection between people in my apartment building flushing their toilets, and my running shower water becoming scalding hot. This wouldn't be quite as bad if there weren't six floors to the building, with twenty units on each. FML

by thirddegreeburned / 03/19/2013 at 1:39pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, after three years with my boyfriend hardly ever going to any social or public event with me due to his social anxiety, I got to witness him improve his flirting skills on every girl available at his house party. FML

by social anxiety my a** / 03/18/2013 at 10:17am / Switzerland (Zurich) / Love

Today, my girlfriend left me because our "political views don't match" when I told her we needed to share house chores now that we live together. I know, I'm lost too. FML

by dca101 / 03/19/2013 at 10:08pm / United States / Love

Today, my cat learned the hard way what the bathtub is for. While I was in it. FML

by Anonymous / 03/26/2013 at 10:22am / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, I went for my daily post-op doctor's appointment, where I was told I can resume normal activities. Which was handy when I came home to half-an-inch of water throughout my apartment, due to my washing machine drainage pipe coming undone while I was gone. FML

by Soggy Sophia / 03/27/2013 at 11:44am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommates decided to hold an intervention. They told me I would have to break up with my boyfriend because they don't want people having sex in our apartment during college exams. My boyfriend agreed. FML

by Tooloud / 03/24/2013 at 7:21pm / Canada / Intimacy

Today, I returned from a 5-day cruise for my senior spring break, filled with gorgeous sorority girls from all over the country. I was seasick the whole time. FML

by captainlame / 03/21/2013 at 1:59am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally came out to my family as a lesbian. My grandma then told me I'm just going through a phase because I finally realized I'm not pretty or skinny enough to get a man. FML

by theawesome129 / 03/24/2013 at 6:20am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, while in a public bathroom, I threw out my back. A stranger had to help me pull up my pants. FML

by paulinapo / 03/28/2013 at 9:52am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, at work while near a cigarette tray outside, a man said, "Thanks for polluting our environment!" All I could say was, "What?" He then said "I'm speaking English you know!" I was cleaning the cigarette tray at the time, don't smoke at all, and was born here. FML

by TVKill3r / 03/28/2013 at 8:57pm / United States / Work

Today, I realized that the smell of chlorine has started to turn me on, probably because my girlfriend has an indoor pool in her house. Guess who works as a swim instructor. FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2013 at 12:08pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I found myself arguing with a 6-year-old over a game of tag. FML

by tspence / 03/20/2013 at 6:08pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids