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Thursday 14 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

#20543433
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51651) - you deserved it (10183)

On 03/14/2013 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, due to a flat tire, I only had 20 minutes to complete a 35 minute walk to catch my train. I ended up sprinting up the snow-covered frozen hill in heels, luggage in hand, only to arrive 1 minute in time, and to find out that the train had been cancelled. Next train in 1 hour. FML

Today, I learned that if not for my grandfather gifting my dad $200, I would have been named Anthrax. FML

#20552804
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34946) - you deserved it (2722)

On 03/20/2013 at 9:11pm - misc - by cheeseburglar_9000 (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I discovered the "may have a laxative effect" warning on my sugar-free jelly beans should actually read "don't fart after consuming". FML

#20543064
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31215) - you deserved it (5403)

On 03/14/2013 at 2:21am - health - by Kimberpoo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that I spent an entire raffle game desperately praying that I'd lose miserably, just so I wouldn't have to go up on stage and accept it. FML

Today, at a science-fiction convention, a woman came up to me and told me that my white face paint was a mess, my contacts looked cheap, and my costume was an all-round failure. I wasn't wearing a costume, I'm an albino. FML

#20551525
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48932) - you deserved it (2933)

On 03/19/2013 at 10:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I tried to go to my Hotmail account on my boyfriend's computer. When I typed in "hot", a big history list came down. It was all "Hot single mom looking for a good lay" Craigslist ads. FML

#20540391
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34899) - you deserved it (3976)

On 03/12/2013 at 1:19am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a purse in the school bathroom. When I looked inside, there was an iPod along with some other expensive stuff in it. I took it to the office so the right owner would get it back. The owner passed me in the hall on the way there; she freaked out and punched me in the face. FML

#20551761
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43741) - you deserved it (2880)

On 03/20/2013 at 12:55am - misc - by really? (woman) - United States

Today, I told my mom about the rough time I'm having over my recent break-up, and how I can't help thinking about my ex every single day. Her attempt to console me involved saying, "Pft. I bet he doesn't think about you every day" and walking away. Thanks. FML

#20540840
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31733) - you deserved it (6028)

On 03/12/2013 at 2:40pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML

#20542127
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30490) - you deserved it (7446)

On 03/13/2013 at 2:52pm - misc - by marisacb (woman) - United States

Today, at college, I finally talked myself into confessing my feelings to a girl I really like. Her response was to threaten to sue me. For what, exactly? I have no goddamned idea. I just don't understand people anymore. FML

#20545151
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35984) - you deserved it (3216)

On 03/15/2013 at 6:43pm - love - by forever single, I guess (man) - United States

Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML

#20547830
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34702) - you deserved it (4151)

On 03/17/2013 at 3:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, my dad has been hitting the bottle, and will only respond to anything I say in a slurred rap. FML

#20539367
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29904) - you deserved it (2897)

On 03/11/2013 at 10:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)



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