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Friday 8 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

#20540639
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33354) - you deserved it (2973)

On 03/12/2013 at 10:05am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my neighbour's puppy has developed separation anxiety. Every time my neighbour leaves for work, the puppy constantly whines and barks until he gets home. He works night shifts. FML

#20532315
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34530) - you deserved it (2296)

On 03/05/2013 at 2:58pm - animals - by sotired - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

#20536585
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32945) - you deserved it (3518)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:06am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I didn't have any clothes suitable for the interview, so I went to the store early and bought some there. After the interview, I went to return the clothes, because they were so expensive. The hiring manager saw me. FML

#20541999
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16996) - you deserved it (42276)

On 03/13/2013 at 12:14pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my family threw me my 21st birthday party. My grandma's gift turned out to be a pack of condoms. "Not that you'll ever get to use them," she said, turning and walking off, cackling maniacally. Now I remember why I never talk to the old crone. FML

#20536189
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30408) - you deserved it (3897)

On 03/08/2013 at 7:38pm - misc - by fuck you, gran (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was told I've secured the job I applied for at my local hospital. Being just 19, this is a great opportunity, and I told my parents. They angrily asked if I'd applied just to get access to drugs, then demanded to know how I'd managed to pass the drug test. Thanks for the confidence. FML

#20538687
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36491) - you deserved it (2812)

On 03/10/2013 at 9:51pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I trimmed my ear hair, my nose hair, shaved my hobbit feet, and trimmed the little sprouts that give me a unibrow if left alone. I still can't grow a beard. FML

#20531281
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30551) - you deserved it (2628)

On 03/04/2013 at 7:41pm - misc - by ihatemakingnames (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it, so I reminded him that he did fine on his first pelvic exam last month. His response: "Yeah, but I've had my hands up plenty of vaginas already." FML

#20540823
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38934) - you deserved it (5938)

On 03/12/2013 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, after my coworker bought coffee for me for the fifth time, I thanked him and asked him why. Apparently it's the only way to get me to shut up in the morning so he can get work done. FML

#20534501
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12288) - you deserved it (35581)

On 03/07/2013 at 8:44am - work - by coffee - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were on my bed when things started getting hot and it began to shake. My little sister called the entire family to the hall to listen to "the frogs in the wall". FML

#20537793
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21702) - you deserved it (40229)

On 03/10/2013 at 3:41am - intimacy - by lolk - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I took a week off work because my father passed away. I was at the funeral home making arrangements when I overheard the owners complaining about how their insurance agent had left them to fend for themselves. I'm their insurance agent. FML

#20531557
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31376) - you deserved it (3426)

On 03/04/2013 at 10:38pm - work - by KathleenSchuler - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to get a new haircut. Now, she hates the haircut and blames me for, in her words, "turning me into something I'm not". FML

#20537852
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32540) - you deserved it (2893)

On 03/10/2013 at 5:09am - love - by Nogood - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my car got broken into. A small folded plastic bag and a few toothpicks I got from a restaurant were stolen. It's going to cost me a few hundred bucks to fix and clean my car over a 10 cent bag and a few free toothpicks. FML

#20543135
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31798) - you deserved it (2486)

On 03/14/2013 at 4:52am - money - by ScrewedForCheapBag - United States (California)



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