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Friday 8 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML

#20532214
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42048) - you deserved it (5992)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by married an old man - United States (California)

Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

#20544356
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38893) - you deserved it (5672)

On 03/15/2013 at 1:44am - misc - by fmlman - United States (Wyoming)

Today, my dad and I had an hour-long conversation. When he was getting up to leave my room he said, "Good talk Chelsey." My sister is Chelsey. So I corrected him. He thought I was joking. My father can't tell my sister and I apart. We are not twins. FML

#20535549
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34723) - you deserved it (2153)

On 03/08/2013 at 5:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wants to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML

#20539958
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30994) - you deserved it (5821)

On 03/11/2013 at 7:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, while working, I thought, "I wish my kittens could text so I can talk to them throughout the day." And then I realized, I'm that cat lady you read about. FML

#20532138
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31367) - you deserved it (12359)

On 03/05/2013 at 11:13am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was walking through my town when a man on a bicycle rolled up to me and said, "I don't mean this offensively but you're really well-built." I don't know whether he was commenting on my height or comparing me to a shed, but my mother won't stop laughing. FML

#20531997
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23564) - you deserved it (2797)

On 03/05/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by apparently-a-shed (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I finally told my dad about how I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. He began to recite a commercial for depression meds, but he couldn't finish because he was overwhelmed with laughter. FML

#20537428
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31942) - you deserved it (3617)

On 03/09/2013 at 9:05pm - misc - by depressed - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boss told me that, while he respects the fact that I have my own style, I have to stop wearing "that hideous wig" because apparently, it "makes the clientele uncomfortable". I don't have a wig. It's my natural hair. FML

#20536687
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28463) - you deserved it (3536)

On 03/09/2013 at 4:05am - work - by hairdresser (woman) - Australia

Today, my boyfriend came over and dropped off my phone, which I'd left at his place the night before. He immediately left in a sulk. As I looked through my texts, I discovered he was only so moody because I hadn't answered any of his calls or messages. I'm dating an idiot. FML

#20535997
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33466) - you deserved it (5014)

On 03/08/2013 at 4:22pm - love - by Kiki (woman) - Poland (Malopolskie)

Today, I finally got the courage to confess my feelings to the guy I have loved for a year now in a long note. He called half an hour later and said, "I'm not going to read this crap, just tell me what it says". FML

#20535268
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31420) - you deserved it (7278)

On 03/07/2013 at 10:53pm - love - by hoolabaloo (woman) - India (Gujarat)

Today, I woke to find my laptop and printer covered in what smells like pee. My boyfriend then confessed to me that he occasionally "sleep-pees". It's like sleepwalking, but where he urinates on random objects. FML

#20538947
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30781) - you deserved it (2437)

On 03/11/2013 at 12:09am - misc - by marcymoo - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I went with my dad to Starbucks. There is this really cute guy who works there and he kept looking over at me, so I went over to say hi. He ended up asking if my dad was single. FML

#20538966
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41267) - you deserved it (3826)

On 03/11/2013 at 12:17am - love - by lonely girl - United States

Today, my 3 year old woke up at 2 am and refused to go back to sleep unless she could sleep with her father and me. Normally we would have said no, but both of us being so tired, we said yes. She slowly kicked me out of my side of the bed and now I have to sleep on the couch. FML



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