Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Sunday 3 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML

#20532270
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38352) - you deserved it (5221)

On 03/05/2013 at 1:57pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I showed my wife an article about how frequent orgasms can prevent prostate cancer, as well as increase both partners' overall health. She replied that she wouldn't judge me if I masturbated, as long as I don't use porn. FML

#20536129
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39627) - you deserved it (9134)

On 03/08/2013 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by marriage/celibacy/synonymity (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML

#20528184
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41771) - you deserved it (3245)

On 03/02/2013 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I sent a dozen roses and a hand-written, heart-felt note to my ex-girlfriend to show her that I'm still madly in love with her. When I asked if she got the flowers I sent, she replied, "Yeah but you got the wrong color. You should've gotten yellow, that stands for friendship." FML

#20534297
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34796) - you deserved it (12502)

On 03/07/2013 at 1:07am - love - by Roses are Red - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my coach held a BBQ for the whole team. He told us to eat up, because we wouldn't be working out today. He lied. After eating the equivalent of a Thanksgiving dinner, we had to do team relays. FML

#20531130
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37364) - you deserved it (4670)

On 03/04/2013 at 5:24pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the store for a warranty claim on my prescription glasses due to little spots that had appeared on the lenses, covering both. It took 2 seconds for the employee to determine that it was hairspray. FML

#20534438
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7977) - you deserved it (41874)

On 03/07/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by jmrz - Puerto Rico

Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML

#20521518
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34916) - you deserved it (3745)

On 02/25/2013 at 11:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I met a guy in a bar. He was sweet and funny so I asked him out for coffee later. He quickly turned me down, saying that I didn't even meet his first requirement. His first requirement was "looks like a girl." FML

#20534087
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35567) - you deserved it (4238)

On 03/06/2013 at 10:14pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked into what I thought would be a surprise birthday party. It wasn't. It was my parents staging an intervention over my cat obsession. FML

#20530955
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17962) - you deserved it (28773)

On 03/04/2013 at 3:02pm - misc - by DM - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to help my little sister do a first-grade project for school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale, and I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed and said, "No! It's you!" FML

#20532338
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38860) - you deserved it (5779)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:19pm - kids - by peace out - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML

#20532214
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46192) - you deserved it (6499)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by married an old man - United States (California)

Today, my elderly neighbor had asked me to take her to her early morning doctor's appointment. I arrived at her house at 7:30 as agreed, and she appeared to have forgotten who I was. She started lobbing eggs out of her window at me, telling me she wasn't interested in what I was selling. FML

#20525434
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33028) - you deserved it (2497)

On 02/28/2013 at 6:57am - misc - by she sure has an arm. - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML

#20529455
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33230) - you deserved it (10715)

On 03/03/2013 at 1:03pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Bayern)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: