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Sunday 3 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML

#20528184
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38658) - you deserved it (2967)

On 03/02/2013 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

#20529783
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37971) - you deserved it (12717)

On 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm - work - by JimmyT (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I finally made a Facebook account after being home-schooled my entire life. I friended people that I know and their friends, and subsequently sparked a debate on whether or not I exist. FML

#20523906
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29585) - you deserved it (3861)

On 02/27/2013 at 12:03am - misc - by thepokemonkid - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I filled out an application for a job at Dairy Queen. I handed my application to the manager along with my résumé, and he said he'd be in contact with me. Not even five minutes after I left, a friend who works there sent me a picture of my crumpled-up application in the trash. FML

#20526818
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34890) - you deserved it (2537)

On 03/01/2013 at 10:52am - work - by anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML

#20529455
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31214) - you deserved it (10152)

On 03/03/2013 at 1:03pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, my coach held a BBQ for the whole team. He told us to eat up, because we wouldn't be working out today. He lied. After eating the equivalent of a Thanksgiving dinner, we had to do team relays. FML

#20531130
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34221) - you deserved it (4361)

On 03/04/2013 at 5:24pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a man I once worked with passed away. He was a lovely, caring, and inspirational person whom I looked up to. My husband's form of consolation? "Old people die. Get over it." FML

#20538776
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30950) - you deserved it (3583)

On 03/10/2013 at 10:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I managed to score a date for the first time in over a year, and was very nervous. When I was asked what I do for a living, I laughed nervously, and then blurted out, "Finger women." What I was trying to jokingly say was that I'm a gynecologist. FML

#20525332
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16962) - you deserved it (35943)

On 02/28/2013 at 2:57am - love - by notapervert - United States (California)

Today, due to plumbing issues, I had to choose between a goosebump-inducing cold or skin-blistering hot shower. This is the 7th day in a row. My husband says it shouldn't be more than another week before he "gets it figured out". FML

#20528844
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27353) - you deserved it (2900)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked into what I thought would be a surprise birthday party. It wasn't. It was my parents staging an intervention over my cat obsession. FML

#20530955
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16078) - you deserved it (26435)

On 03/04/2013 at 3:02pm - misc - by DM - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was told by co-workers with whom I have worked for 2 years that I tan too much and dye my hair black too often. I'm from the Middle East and have never tanned nor dyed my hair. My co-workers think I'm a wannabe. FML

#20529072
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37461) - you deserved it (2607)

On 03/03/2013 at 4:29am - misc - by wannadi (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while on a crowded public bus, a cute girl asked if she could sit next to me. Problem is, I didn't hear correctly and thought she asked if anyone was sitting next to me. I answered no, causing her to walk off angrily and earning me several disgusted stares from other passengers. FML

#20530703
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34673) - you deserved it (7219)

On 03/04/2013 at 9:23am - misc - by Anonymous - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, I sent a dozen roses and a hand-written, heart-felt note to my ex-girlfriend to show her that I'm still madly in love with her. When I asked if she got the flowers I sent, she replied, "Yeah but you got the wrong color. You should've gotten yellow, that stands for friendship." FML

#20534297
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33257) - you deserved it (12034)

On 03/07/2013 at 1:07am - love - by Roses are Red - United States (Mississippi)



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