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Sunday 3 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML

#20528775
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28957) - you deserved it (2997)

On 03/02/2013 at 11:18pm - misc - by jkbeynon - United States (California)

Today, my 20-year-old came whining to me, asking why his job interviews keep going so poorly. I had to delicately explain that the "PIMP SLAP" tattoo he had put on his right hand recently may have something to do with it. FML

#20533491
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27130) - you deserved it (3796)

On 03/06/2013 at 1:04pm - kids - by ProudMother (woman) - United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin)

Today, I realized that the only positive accomplishment my boyfriend has made in the last 3 years is that he started wearing deodorant. FML

#20525032
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22206) - you deserved it (6792)

On 02/27/2013 at 10:28pm - love - by butterflyzag20 - United States

Today, I woke up to find that my parents had replaced my regular alarm clock with a walking one that requires you to get up and find it. The alarm was set to 5:00AM, which would have been fine if it wasn't the weekend. FML

#20530545
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27831) - you deserved it (3111)

On 03/04/2013 at 3:02am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

#20536585
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26965) - you deserved it (2964)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:06am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML

#20526546
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9995) - you deserved it (34994)

On 03/01/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after a long work shift, I was so tired that I took a nap in my car to avoid driving half-asleep. When I awoke, there was a huge truck in front of me. I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving and was about to die. I only realized it was stationary after I pissed myself. FML

#20529430
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30635) - you deserved it (5199)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by FUCKKKS (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year and a half left me for another girl. Who was the only person who cared enough to comfort me? The girl he left me for. FML

#20533752
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32629) - you deserved it (2252)

On 03/06/2013 at 5:28pm - love - by ForeverAlone (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while at the mall, a lady dropped her credit card while in line to buy something. I came over, picked it up and gave it to her just for her to shove it in my hand and scream, "She's stealing my wallet! My wallet!" The police came. FML

#20536740
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32924) - you deserved it (2262)

On 03/09/2013 at 7:04am - money - by whaaaaat111 - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML

#20526945
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22791) - you deserved it (1563)

On 03/01/2013 at 1:22pm - work - by cthulhu help me (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was reciting lines for a play that I'm in. It was going great, until I realized that I was actually reciting my scripted sales pitch from my telemarketing job. FML

#20533106
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20662) - you deserved it (6959)

On 03/06/2013 at 12:44am - misc - by sales ham (man) - United States

Today, I realized that the homeless people I give change to all dress better than I do, including the one that doesn't believe in pants. FML

#20522911
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11346) - you deserved it (19258)

On 02/26/2013 at 10:54am - misc - by keerow (man) - United States

Today, I was told I've secured the job I applied for at my local hospital. Being just 19, this is a great opportunity, and I told my parents. They angrily asked if I'd applied just to get access to drugs, then demanded to know how I'd managed to pass the drug test. Thanks for the confidence. FML

#20538687
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30105) - you deserved it (2324)

On 03/10/2013 at 9:51pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)



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