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Wednesday 27 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I came home to find my fiancé trying to do laundry. His version was "rubbing the smelly spots with baby powder". Looks like I'll be the only one doing laundry for the rest of our lives. FML

#20527738
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29786) - you deserved it (4314)

On 03/02/2013 at 2:23am - love - by 081013 - United States (Ohio)

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

#20529783
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40702) - you deserved it (13690)

On 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm - work - by JimmyT (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I finally made a Facebook account after being home-schooled my entire life. I friended people that I know and their friends, and subsequently sparked a debate on whether or not I exist. FML

#20523906
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30581) - you deserved it (3959)

On 02/27/2013 at 12:03am - misc - by thepokemonkid - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I managed to score a date for the first time in over a year, and was very nervous. When I was asked what I do for a living, I laughed nervously, and then blurted out, "Finger women." What I was trying to jokingly say was that I'm a gynecologist. FML

#20525332
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17982) - you deserved it (37690)

On 02/28/2013 at 2:57am - love - by notapervert - United States (California)

Today, due to plumbing issues, I had to choose between a goosebump-inducing cold or skin-blistering hot shower. This is the 7th day in a row. My husband says it shouldn't be more than another week before he "gets it figured out". FML

#20528844
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28951) - you deserved it (3033)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML

#20532270
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38354) - you deserved it (5221)

On 03/05/2013 at 1:57pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML

#20528184
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41838) - you deserved it (3251)

On 03/02/2013 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my coach held a BBQ for the whole team. He told us to eat up, because we wouldn't be working out today. He lied. After eating the equivalent of a Thanksgiving dinner, we had to do team relays. FML

#20531130
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37381) - you deserved it (4671)

On 03/04/2013 at 5:24pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML

#20521518
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34968) - you deserved it (3750)

On 02/25/2013 at 11:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I met a guy in a bar. He was sweet and funny so I asked him out for coffee later. He quickly turned me down, saying that I didn't even meet his first requirement. His first requirement was "looks like a girl." FML

#20534087
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35570) - you deserved it (4238)

On 03/06/2013 at 10:14pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked into what I thought would be a surprise birthday party. It wasn't. It was my parents staging an intervention over my cat obsession. FML

#20530955
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17962) - you deserved it (28773)

On 03/04/2013 at 3:02pm - misc - by DM - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to help my little sister do a first-grade project for school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale, and I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed and said, "No! It's you!" FML

#20532338
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38860) - you deserved it (5779)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:19pm - kids - by peace out - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML

#20532214
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46193) - you deserved it (6499)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by married an old man - United States (California)



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