Choose the period

Monday 25 February 2013

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

by useless pos / 02/28/2013 at 7:48pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML

by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 6:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, the "Child Care and Development" class at my high school assigned all 50 students to carry a fake baby around school all day for a week. I can't even read a page of my notes without hearing a robotic crying noise. Today is the first day. FML

by Headache / 03/01/2013 at 8:20am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML

by Anonymous / 03/01/2013 at 2:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was babysitting, and I had to pee really, really badly. I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid toilet lock off, and ended up pissing myself. As I stood in the bathroom in tears, their child screamed, "No, no, pee-pee in the POTTY!" FML

by soaked / 02/25/2013 at 2:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, on the way home, a guy yelled "Hey, YOU!" from behind me, so I walked faster. He ran up to me, shouting, "I said stop, asshole!" I almost pissed myself in fear, thinking I was being mugged. Turns out I'd left my wallet at the grocery store, and he was just trying to return it. FML

by stabbed with kindness / 03/02/2013 at 4:44pm / Russian Federation (Moskva) / Money

Today, my brother called me, asking if I could help him do his taxes. Since he's a high school and college dropout, I thought all I had to do was a 1040EZ. No, last year he made more than twice what I earn, through self-employment. I have two Master's degrees and work at Burger King. FML

by tax-man / 03/01/2013 at 9:35pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got talking to a pretty girl on the subway. Just as she was about to get off, I handed her my phone so that she could give me her number. She ran out with it. FML

by crétin-crédule / 02/26/2013 at 12:02am / France (Limousin) / Love

Today, I found out my girlfriend can do Heath Ledger's "Joker" voice perfectly. I'm not sure if I should be scared or impressed. FML

by nerdgirlmickey / 03/03/2013 at 11:05am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I'm so poor that I've been scrounging around my house all day trying to find quarters and dimes so that I can buy myself a cup of coffee tomorrow. FML

by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 3:39am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Money

Today, I found out that my mom has linked my iPhone with her iPad and has been secretly reading my texts. FML

by segal1010 / 02/27/2013 at 7:27pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he didn't trust himself not to cheat on me. What? FML

by Anonymous / 03/01/2013 at 7:02am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

by Frostbitten / 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy