Sunday 24 February 2013 
Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time
Today, my mom refused to sign me up for a CPR class, reasoning that if I was ever put in a situation where a person was choking, I could save them using my "common sense" and "intellect". I need the class to graduate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23939) - you deserved it (1503)
On 02/20/2013 at 7:32pm - misc - by blob - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25603) - you deserved it (2908)
On 02/25/2013 at 11:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27133) - you deserved it (3269)
On 02/20/2013 at 1:55am - intimacy - by jealouspussy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8514) - you deserved it (24174)
On 02/18/2013 at 2:11pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I realized my acne is so bad that the Facebook face recognition could recognize all of my friends in a group photo except me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22026) - you deserved it (2340)
On 02/21/2013 at 8:04am - misc - by SadFace (man) - Singapore
Today, I realized that the "eyelash curling brush" that my best friend found in my old bathroom drawer was actually a stick used for cleaning food out of my sister's braces. I used that thing for years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19844) - you deserved it (10894)
On 02/24/2013 at 9:30am - misc - by curly_eyelashes - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was feeling generous, so I made my roommate's favorite meal for her when she got home. When she did return home, she flipped her shit for no reason, screaming that she would pee on everything I love. Considering our history, I'm going to start checking my things for urine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21145) - you deserved it (1546)
On 02/25/2013 at 7:44pm - misc - by sniperkit (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I had an important job interview at another company. I'd tried to keep it secret from everyone at work, so they wouldn't tell my boss, as I can't afford to get on his bad side yet. My mom posted on my Facebook wall, wishing me luck. I'm Facebook friends with most of my colleagues. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20050) - you deserved it (9403)
On 02/28/2013 at 4:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Finland (Southern Finland)
Today, a wasp knocked me out, broke my glasses, and left a gash over my eyebrow. It did so by flying under my glasses while I was playing my guitar, causing me to reflexively bat at it with the hand that was still grasping the guitar neck. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19464) - you deserved it (4791) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 02/28/2013 at 8:55pm - health - by JimiHendrix (man) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)
Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26225) - you deserved it (2325)
On 02/28/2013 at 5:56am - misc - by sickofthesmelltoo (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23283) - you deserved it (1710)
On 02/19/2013 at 10:46am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I got a two dollar raise. Unfortunately, I recently accepted a transfer to a job on the other side of the state to what was, at the time, a more lucrative position. I can't cancel it, so now I get to move into a pay cut. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18043) - you deserved it (5012)
On 02/20/2013 at 1:33am - work - by MeanGina (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I saw my car being broken into on the street below my apartment. Too scared to stop them myself, I called the police. Before I could even tell them what was going on, they put me on hold. It was a good 5 minutes before I realized they'd hung up on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22561) - you deserved it (2300)
On 02/27/2013 at 7:42pm - misc - by forgotten - United States (Arizona)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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