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Sunday 24 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my brother called me, asking if I could help him do his taxes. Since he's a high school and college dropout, I thought all I had to do was a 1040EZ. No, last year he made more than twice what I earn, through self-employment. I have two Master's degrees and work at Burger King. FML

#20527434
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32673) - you deserved it (8036)

On 03/01/2013 at 9:35pm - misc - by tax-man - United States (South Carolina)

Today, despite the fact of being together two years, and having a daughter, my fiancée still refuses to tell her parents about us. We're getting married in six months. FML

#20527880
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35388) - you deserved it (5332)

On 03/02/2013 at 8:31am - love - by OhNo - United States (Virginia)

Today, while I was in the shower, my boyfriend decided to join me. We were really getting into it and he attempted to lift me up. Not only did I let out a massive fart, he slipped and fell on top of me. He won't stop laughing. FML

#20513159
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42839) - you deserved it (9365)

On 02/19/2013 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I'm 8 months pregnant with a horribly sore back and an insensitive husband. I'm so desperate for relief that I'm lying on the couch, using my vibrator to give myself a back massage. FML

#20523063
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33444) - you deserved it (4148)

On 02/26/2013 at 2:11pm - misc - by guyssuck (woman) - Canada (Northwest Territories)

Today, as my lame excuse to not give a guy I met at a club my phone number, I told him I didn't have a cell phone. Guess what I checked when he asked me what time it was a few minutes later. FML

#20512812
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7574) - you deserved it (48437)

On 02/18/2013 at 10:21pm - misc - by hhhhhhhpeterwut - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

#20514475
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37165) - you deserved it (5275)

On 02/20/2013 at 1:55am - intimacy - by jealouspussy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she could not stand the thought of being in a relationship with a man who wears orange. This is the first time I've worn an orange shirt in at least 6 months. FML

#20521313
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32009) - you deserved it (3179)

On 02/25/2013 at 3:33am - love - by vat (man) - Hong Kong

Today, my very conservative mom met my girlfriend, who recently shaved her head in support of her best friend, who has cancer. My girlfriend looks beautiful and feminine even with her still very short hair. My mom, however, keeps insisting that I'm dating "a confused transgender". FML

#20519321
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34240) - you deserved it (2236)

On 02/23/2013 at 8:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a classmate posted a recording of a recent lecture on my university's Facebook page, so we could listen again and take notes at home. A few minutes in, I heard myself asking a question. I then heard snorting and some girl muttering "dumb cunt" under her breath. FML

#20524519
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33546) - you deserved it (3877)

On 02/27/2013 at 3:52pm - misc - by DumbCuntApparently (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, my boss told me to go outside and take part in the company's stupid Harlem Shake video. When I declined, he threatened to fire me if I didn't take part. I ended up being the guy who had to furiously pelvic thrust before the music dropped. FML

#20518411
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35554) - you deserved it (6075)

On 02/23/2013 at 2:32am - work - by mypelvishurts - United States (California)

Today, I came home to find my fiancé trying to do laundry. His version was "rubbing the smelly spots with baby powder". Looks like I'll be the only one doing laundry for the rest of our lives. FML

#20527738
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26347) - you deserved it (3986)

On 03/02/2013 at 2:23am - love - by 081013 - United States (Ohio)

Today, my wife mentioned that she wanted to give me a three-way. I was ecstatic, until she opened her right hand, only to reveal a 3-way lightbulb. FML

#20512105
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15773) - you deserved it (37783)

On 02/18/2013 at 12:23pm - intimacy - by phatdaddy62 (man) - United States

Today, I downloaded a movie that I already own on DVD, because I was feeling too lazy to get up and fetch it from the living room. I think I've hit rock bottom. FML

#20516729
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10027) - you deserved it (44900) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/21/2013 at 7:16pm - misc - by lolo - Israel (HaDarom)



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