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Tuesday 19 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a woman strapped her 8-year-old son into the seat next to me on a transatlantic flight. Thinking they'd been unable to book seats together, I offered to swap seats with her. She said she'd booked it this way intentionally, because he's a "fucking brat" on flights. She was right. FML

#20513411
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43084) - you deserved it (2247)

On 02/19/2013 at 12:13pm - kids - by Sigh (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I was babysitting, and I had to pee really, really badly. I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid toilet lock off, and ended up pissing myself. As I stood in the bathroom in tears, their child screamed, "No, no, pee-pee in the POTTY!" FML

#20521664
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32273) - you deserved it (8096)

On 02/25/2013 at 2:16pm - kids - by soaked (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I uploaded the first chapter of my best writing yet to a popular writing website. After ten minutes, I was thrilled to already see one review and five comments. Each comment was telling me to immediately delete the story because of how horrible it was. The rating was half a star. FML

#20514789
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25695) - you deserved it (7635)

On 02/20/2013 at 11:36am - work - by Apparently not a writer (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML

#20520338
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38736) - you deserved it (8309)

On 02/24/2013 at 2:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML

#20521929
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41301) - you deserved it (3416)

On 02/25/2013 at 6:00pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got stuck in traffic when a shootout started somewhere behind. I lowered myself and suddenly a bullet punctured a hole in the rear screen. When I managed to get away, I called my wife in a panic. She didn't pick up so I sent her a text about what just happened. Her reply: "K". FML

#20522482
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56404) - you deserved it (4141)

On 02/25/2013 at 11:33pm - intimacy - by n3ov (man) - Pakistan (Islamabad)

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me out after I spelt "realised" with an S instead of a Z. It wouldn't have been so bad, if we weren't both British, if he hadn't called me an "illiterate idiot", and if he hadn't muttered "family of morons" when my mum backed me up. FML

#20519170
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28722) - you deserved it (4424)

On 02/23/2013 at 6:18pm - love - by singleandthankful (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, for the second time this week, I was asked to stop putting on such an obviously fake "British" accent. I am British and have lived here all my life. FML

#20513499
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33950) - you deserved it (2717)

On 02/19/2013 at 1:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

#20518830
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26952) - you deserved it (45053)

On 02/23/2013 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, after being together for only 2 weeks, my boyfriend got me a year's gym membership for my birthday in a card that said, "So u can b hott! Luv u!" FML

#20513755
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28525) - you deserved it (5529)

On 02/19/2013 at 5:47pm - love - by katwingz (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was holding the door open for a friend. She told me to wait a second because she had to finish a text. Nearly a minute passed before I asked why she wouldn't come inside to finish typing. We were at a Chinese restaurant. She thought the "No MSG" sign meant you couldn't text inside. FML

#20519764
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33354) - you deserved it (3627)

On 02/24/2013 at 2:53am - misc - by cls_x (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while driving extremely fast on a road in the middle of nowhere, I started to go down a hill. Noticing a police car at the bottom, I slammed my brakes and blew a tire in the process. It turns out the police car was an old cutout used to trick people. FML

#20520975
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10835) - you deserved it (52558)

On 02/24/2013 at 10:41pm - misc - by Fox - United States



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