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Sunday 17 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I walked into my dad straightening my dog's fur. His excuse? The dog needed to feel pretty. FML

#20513110
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32876) - you deserved it (4327)

On 02/19/2013 at 2:01am - animals - by xtammyle - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML

#20517914
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32386) - you deserved it (3687)

On 02/22/2013 at 7:31pm - health - by arse of fire :( (woman) - United Kingdom (Slough)

Today, after spending six months completely repainting and redecorating our new home, I finally finished the last touches and went to remove the masking tape. Off came the tape, along with huge blotches of plasterwork. FML

#20503623
95 comments

Today, my girlfriend of nine months made a huge scene in public, calling me a "cheating bastard" because she saw me with another woman at the library. That "other woman" is my Calculus tutor. FML

#20514871
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34683) - you deserved it (3361)

On 02/20/2013 at 1:20pm - love - by ? - United States (California)

Today, after nearly six weeks of seeing a nice girl, we finally decided to make it official. Two hours later, she pulled out a bridal magazine and not-so-casually asked me which wedding location I thought was the nicest. FML

#20517490
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33702) - you deserved it (4093)

On 02/22/2013 at 12:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I have problems going when other people are there, so I waited until everyone left. Two girls noticed I was taking a long time, and started giggling and throwing notes under the door asking if I was alive. This continued for half an hour. FML

#20505035
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31453) - you deserved it (6111)

On 02/13/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by please leave... - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom refused to sign me up for a CPR class, reasoning that if I was ever put in a situation where a person was choking, I could save them using my "common sense" and "intellect". I need the class to graduate. FML

#20515292
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33065) - you deserved it (2602)

On 02/20/2013 at 7:32pm - misc - by blob - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at a club when a notoriously desperate and disgusting guy asked me to grind with him. Hoping for some backup, I coolly said, "You'll have to ask my boyfriend." My boyfriend's response? "Yeah, man, I don't care." FML

#20513337
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36580) - you deserved it (8162)

On 02/19/2013 at 10:27am - misc - by really (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

#20514475
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41313) - you deserved it (5761)

On 02/20/2013 at 1:55am - intimacy - by jealouspussy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my parents told me that I'm no longer allowed to come home from boarding school on weekends because it will confuse my cats and disrupt their lives. FML

#20519879
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44281) - you deserved it (2880)

On 02/24/2013 at 6:17am - animals - by incendiaaa (woman) - Australia

Today, at my grandpa's funeral, my boyfriend texted me while sitting right beside me, asking if we could have sex when the "family get together" was finally over. FML

#20520888
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45977) - you deserved it (5428)

On 02/24/2013 at 10:08pm - intimacy - by pissed girlfriend (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML

#20506765
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37817) - you deserved it (2388)

On 02/14/2013 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Saudi Arabia (Ash Sharqiyah)

Today, I had to yet again explain to the guy I live with that just because you can't see dirt, it doesn't mean it's clean. And so letting his dog lick the plates is NOT the same thing as washing up. He won't listen to me, and he uses my plates. FML

#20507079
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31658) - you deserved it (3258)

On 02/14/2013 at 8:08pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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