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Saturday 16 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, it's my boyfriend's birthday. He really likes Legend of Zelda, so I put on a Link hat, took my clothes off, and waited for him at his place. He came home with a hooker. FML

#20502217
175 comments

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

#20516035
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43100) - you deserved it (11414)

On 02/21/2013 at 8:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML

#20504494
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9882) - you deserved it (54355)

On 02/13/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, after supporting my girlfriend for over a year in her endeavour to lose weight, exercise more, and eat better, my now-slender girlfriend dumped me. Because now she find someone better than me. FML

#20518428
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49388) - you deserved it (4161)

On 02/23/2013 at 3:07am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, a woman strapped her 8-year-old son into the seat next to me on a transatlantic flight. Thinking they'd been unable to book seats together, I offered to swap seats with her. She said she'd booked it this way intentionally, because he's a "fucking brat" on flights. She was right. FML

#20513411
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46901) - you deserved it (2486)

On 02/19/2013 at 12:13pm - kids - by Sigh (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

#20501864
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26825) - you deserved it (10212)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:19am - love - by mr_loveless (man) - United States

Today, the attractive guy I barely speak to in my statistics class gave me a rose for Valentine's Day because he remembered they were my favorite. My husband got me a roll of quarters and told me to go buy myself "something pretty." FML

#20507681
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43875) - you deserved it (4259)

On 02/15/2013 at 1:07am - love - by RosesAreRed (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML

#20511821
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19444) - you deserved it (47936)

On 02/18/2013 at 3:50am - intimacy - by UnluckyInk (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I lit my beard on fire while trying to light a cigarette driving to work. I got fired from work when I got there because of my appearance. FML

#20507167
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14704) - you deserved it (44154)

On 02/14/2013 at 8:55pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, whilst on a phone interview with a college I really want to go to, my mother picks up the other line and shouts into the phone "She's not going to college, she's lazy and she'll only disappoint you." The interviewer hung up before I could say anything. FML

#20508072
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42292) - you deserved it (2820)

On 02/15/2013 at 10:50am - misc - by parentalissues (woman) - United States

Today, I walked past a few of my coworkers sitting outside smoking. As I got a whiff of the smoke, I coughed. They immediately started to defend their habit, and I was told to "mind my own fucking business." I wasn't trying to be rude; I'm actually allergic to cigarette smoke. FML

#20507668
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36383) - you deserved it (3947)

On 02/15/2013 at 12:53am - health - by youmindyourownbusiness - United States (Illinois)

Today, with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over my living room. I was eating cereal in my underwear, in the living room, directly under the failure. I'm cold. FML

#20502433
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45011) - you deserved it (3686)

On 02/11/2013 at 3:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I tried to give some change to a homeless man. My girlfriend pulled me away and ranted about how homeless people are all basically bastards who deserve their misfortune, and that I shouldn't give "our" money away. FML

#20506599
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32092) - you deserved it (5824)

On 02/14/2013 at 3:06pm - money - by dating a fucking psycho (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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