Thursday 14 February 2013 
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Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29492) - you deserved it (4466)
On 02/20/2013 at 1:55am - intimacy - by jealouspussy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I realized that without my birth control pills, I would have no idea what day it is. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17182) - you deserved it (9988)
On 02/15/2013 at 8:57am - health - by PurpleSloth (woman) - United States (California)
Today, a co-worker invited me to go out for lunch with him. I politely declined, saying I had too many errands to do. The truth is that I'm just too broke. I'll be buying myself a burrito using quarters I found on the floor of my car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28016) - you deserved it (2462)
On 02/21/2013 at 3:45pm - money - by AKGrace (woman) - United States (Alaska)
Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23577) - you deserved it (4939)
On 02/16/2013 at 1:03pm - money - by an idiot (man) - Australia
Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8971) - you deserved it (32335)
On 02/21/2013 at 12:51am - love - by tomedicalforlove -
Today, I was at a club when a notoriously desperate and disgusting guy asked me to grind with him. Hoping for some backup, I coolly said, "You'll have to ask my boyfriend." My boyfriend's response? "Yeah, man, I don't care." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27460) - you deserved it (5706)
On 02/19/2013 at 10:27am - misc - by really (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I had to use a dictionary before I realized I was being flirted with. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19437) - you deserved it (7483)
On 02/14/2013 at 6:01am - love - by lex - United States
Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9535) - you deserved it (37883)
On 02/14/2013 at 2:39am - misc - by assoutofuandme (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend of nine months made a huge scene in public, calling me a "cheating bastard" because she saw me with another woman at the library. That "other woman" is my Calculus tutor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24980) - you deserved it (2046)
On 02/20/2013 at 1:20pm - love - by ? - United States (California)
Today, I found out that my upstairs neighbor has a cat. I was blessed with this knowledge when she threw several piles of used kitty litter and cat poop over her balcony and onto my patio. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22020) - you deserved it (1595)
On 02/16/2013 at 7:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)
Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8495) - you deserved it (24008)
On 02/11/2013 at 9:30pm - misc - by notgay (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33906) - you deserved it (3267)
On 02/13/2013 at 7:00pm - money - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, while I was babysitting, the little girl wanted to show me a picture that her mom had just sent to the family iPad via iMessage. Trying to be helpful, I clicked iMessage, only to see pictures of her father's erect penis. She won't stop asking about the "hotdog" in the picture. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25804) - you deserved it (1872)
On 02/16/2013 at 1:03am - kids - by Scarlett (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Monday 17 June 2013
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