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Saturday 9 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while waiting for my order at a restaurant, a woman walked up to me and slapped me. She looked at me for a moment and said "Sorry, I thought you were someone else." Ten minutes later, the same woman came back and slapped me again. FML

#20502782
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32239) - you deserved it (2386)

On 02/11/2013 at 8:42pm - misc - by Target - United States

Today, I was dragged to a Super Bowl party. While there, the host's kid threw 3 cups of apple sauce at my feet, which then exploded and covered my jeans. 10 minutes later, the host's wife announced that she was pregnant with twins. All I could come up with was, "You're making more!?" FML

#20492510
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32995) - you deserved it (5756)

On 02/04/2013 at 12:15am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

#20495653
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24128) - you deserved it (4757)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:00pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I casually mentioned to my dad that it was the Chinese New Year yesterday. He accused me of insulting his intelligence by "making stupid shit up." I explained that it's real, and that we just use the Gregorian calendar, hence the different dates. He responded by grounding me. FML

#20501411
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29337) - you deserved it (4041)

On 02/10/2013 at 8:00pm - misc - by must be adopted (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered that my cat recently had explosive diarrhea, and couldn't make it to the litterbox in time. I discovered this when I stepped in the very, very fresh poop with my bare feet. FML

#20503744
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28237) - you deserved it (3880)

On 02/12/2013 at 3:15pm - animals - by Turdfoot (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I have problems going when other people are there, so I waited until everyone left. Two girls noticed I was taking a long time, and started giggling and throwing notes under the door asking if I was alive. This continued for half an hour. FML

#20505035
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27895) - you deserved it (5641)

On 02/13/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by please leave... - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML

#20505342
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40433) - you deserved it (4535)

On 02/13/2013 at 7:00pm - money - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I finished my shift at the nursing home. There was too much snow on the roads, so most of us had to stay overnight. Not only did I not get to go home, I also got stuck sleeping in the same bed that a resident had died in the night before. FML

#20504938
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31037) - you deserved it (2102)

On 02/13/2013 at 12:20pm - work - by death bed (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while I was babysitting, the little girl wanted to show me a picture that her mom had just sent to the family iPad via iMessage. Trying to be helpful, I clicked iMessage, only to see pictures of her father's erect penis. She won't stop asking about the "hotdog" in the picture. FML

#20509000
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32126) - you deserved it (3058)

On 02/16/2013 at 1:03am - kids - by Scarlett (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was taking a stroll in our yard, when my mother decided it would be hilarious to run me down with her Segway. FML

#20498382
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23099) - you deserved it (3204)

On 02/08/2013 at 4:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, after spending six months completely repainting and redecorating our new home, I finally finished the last touches and went to remove the masking tape. Off came the tape, along with huge blotches of plasterwork. FML

#20503623
93 comments

Today, my boyfriend and I arrived at our pre-paid hotel for a romantic evening. When we went to sign in, they had no reservation for us, however they did yesterday. The payment is non-refundable. FML

#20493202
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27645) - you deserved it (5328)

On 02/04/2013 at 3:47pm - money - by perfect (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the guy I like and his friend came home with me to work on a project. I opened my front door and my mum was at the top of the stairs completely naked, bent over, drying her hair with the hairdryer. It took a few moments for her to realise we were there. FML

#20504733
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30898) - you deserved it (2599)

On 02/13/2013 at 6:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (North Ayrshire)



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