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Monday 4 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML

#20494997
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27594) - you deserved it (5378)

On 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm - love - by NewlyDread (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while my mother-in-law visited, I asked if she wouldn't mind watching my son for 10 minutes as I had run out of baby shampoo. I came back home to see she had shaved his head completely bald. That was his very first haircut. FML

#20494705
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27250) - you deserved it (1698)

On 02/05/2013 at 5:48pm - kids - by missedout (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I attended my first surgery as part of my program at med school. I found out that when I see someone's intestines, I vomit. Even if I'm still wearing a surgical mask. There goes the thousands of dollars I spent on college. FML

#20495058
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22416) - you deserved it (4870)

On 02/05/2013 at 10:08pm - health - by A troubled ex med school student - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found a cup full of urine in the bathtub. No one in my family knows where it came from. This is the second time it's happened. FML

#20498051
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24038) - you deserved it (1530)

On 02/08/2013 at 10:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while using a public restroom to change my tampon, I made eye contact with someone looking at me through the little space in the door. FML

#20496769
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33869) - you deserved it (1507)

On 02/07/2013 at 4:51am - misc - by fviz (woman) - United States

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

#20494355
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31573) - you deserved it (7827)

On 02/05/2013 at 11:18am - intimacy - by Lockedinroom (man) - United States

Today, my dad took me to the empty parking lot of Wal-Mart to try driving for the first time. All was well until he shouted at me for going too slow, which startled me into jerking the wheel and simultaneously stomping on the gas. I don't think Geico covers a Wal-Mart-sized dent in one's car. FML

#20496132
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15546) - you deserved it (3446)

On 02/06/2013 at 7:49pm - misc - by gilbirds (woman) - United States (Ohio)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

#20495511
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25477) - you deserved it (3910)

On 02/06/2013 at 8:59am - animals - by DogLover (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after weeks of practice, I proudly did 9 chin-ups on my chin-up bar. As soon as I was done, my 11-year-old daughter came over and banged out 12 of them. Then she wiped her sweaty hands off and did 8 more. Then she gave me pointers on my technique. FML

#20493569
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23847) - you deserved it (4615)

On 02/04/2013 at 8:00pm - health - by WeakerThanaLittleGirl (man) - United States

Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML

#20500833
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27810) - you deserved it (2204)

On 02/10/2013 at 11:17am - kids - by littlemiss - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I won $50 on the lottery. On the subway home, I checked my pocket to see if the money was still there. A very professional man in a suit yelled, "Hey, that's mine!" I got several dirty glares. I'm such a pathetic wimp that I gave him the money. FML

#20497390
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9606) - you deserved it (36293)

On 02/07/2013 at 7:28pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband started a conversation with, "In Pokémon" and ended the same conversation with "and that's why we should divorce." FML

#20495499
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36238) - you deserved it (2900)

On 02/06/2013 at 8:38am - love - by PokeWife (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, a state trooper ticketed me after learning I was ticketed for the same offense an hour earlier, namely driving with a broken headlight. The good news is that both tickets will be dismissed if I go to court. The bad news is that I'd have to go to different courthouses at the same time of day. FML

#20494464
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22590) - you deserved it (2483)

On 02/05/2013 at 1:59pm - money - by halfmypaycheckgone (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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