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Sunday 3 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I actually considered my boyfriend romantic and deserving of an award when he didn't fart after sex. FML

#20488602
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36394) - you deserved it (6390)

On 02/01/2013 at 2:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad took me to the empty parking lot of Wal-Mart to try driving for the first time. All was well until he shouted at me for going too slow, which startled me into jerking the wheel and simultaneously stomping on the gas. I don't think Geico covers a Wal-Mart-sized dent in one's car. FML

Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. As I excitedly put it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it like one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable". FML

#20488292
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31852) - you deserved it (4120)

On 01/31/2013 at 10:35pm - love - by whatsername92 (woman) - United States

Today, my husband started a conversation with, "In Pokémon" and ended the same conversation with "and that's why we should divorce." FML

#20495499
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44935) - you deserved it (4148)

On 02/06/2013 at 8:38am - love - by PokeWife (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

#20494355
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44349) - you deserved it (13087)

On 02/05/2013 at 11:18am - intimacy - by Lockedinroom (man) - United States

Today, while using a public restroom to change my tampon, I made eye contact with someone looking at me through the little space in the door. FML

#20496769
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42057) - you deserved it (2594)

On 02/07/2013 at 4:51am - misc - by fviz (woman) - United States

Today, I found a cup full of urine in the bathtub. No one in my family knows where it came from. This is the second time it's happened. FML

#20498051
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31805) - you deserved it (2490)

On 02/08/2013 at 10:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while my mother-in-law visited, I asked if she wouldn't mind watching my son for 10 minutes as I had run out of baby shampoo. I came back home to see she had shaved his head completely bald. That was his very first haircut. FML

#20494705
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36714) - you deserved it (3045)

On 02/05/2013 at 5:48pm - kids - by missedout (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

#20495511
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32990) - you deserved it (4580)

On 02/06/2013 at 8:59am - animals - by DogLover (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I hired out a motel room so I could stay there by myself and lie to my mother and grandmother about having friends. This is the third time. FML

#20492687
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33280) - you deserved it (14684)

On 02/04/2013 at 2:45am - love - by lonelyloser - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, a state trooper ticketed me after learning I was ticketed for the same offense an hour earlier, namely driving with a broken headlight. The good news is that both tickets will be dismissed if I go to court. The bad news is that I'd have to go to different courthouses at the same time of day. FML

#20494464
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31382) - you deserved it (3983)

On 02/05/2013 at 1:59pm - money - by halfmypaycheckgone (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had drinks at a friend's house before going out to a concert. I still had a bottle of beer left, so I brought it along with me. I got kicked out five minutes into the show for bringing my own drink, which is apparently against the rules. I paid $75 to get kicked out over a $3 drink. FML

#20496974
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10406) - you deserved it (44137)

On 02/07/2013 at 12:11pm - misc - by loquacious shit stain (woman) - Australia

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

#20499722
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31683) - you deserved it (4389)

On 02/09/2013 at 3:03pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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