Choose the period

Tuesday 29 January 2013

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, my mom accused me of stealing money from her purse. Being totally innocent, I reminded her that the only other person with access to it is her boyfriend. She said she trusts him because she loves him. They've been dating for 2 months. I've been her daughter for 25 years. FML

by :/ / 02/03/2013 at 7:26pm / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Money

Today, after heavy rain my street flooded. While in my living room, I looked outside to see that my elderly neighbour was outside splashing in a knee deep puddle. He was butt-naked and wearing a snorkel and flippers. FML

by Stunned / 02/04/2013 at 4:15am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister's boyfriend called while she was out. The second I answered he tried to have phone sex with me. When I explained to him that I wasn't my sister and that we just sound the same on the phone, he replied, "Don't care, let's keep going." FML

by Awkward... / 01/29/2013 at 4:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was driving around with a few friends when one of them suggested we go in to an insurance company's office and sing their jingle. I'm an awful singer, so I was planning on lip syncing. Everyone else had the same idea. FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2013 at 12:40am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, the new manager at my workplace left early in a panic, exclaiming, "My grandma had an accident! I need to see if she's okay!" I was left in charge of the bar once again. This is the sixth time this week his grandma has had an "accident". FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2013 at 9:47pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, I found out my best friend has been stealing hundreds of dollars from me and my fiancé. My wedding is tomorrow morning. Guess who my best man is. FML

by weddingsalwayssuck / 01/28/2013 at 4:01pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I discovered the true meaning of being scared shitless. My father in a clown costume emerged from my closet. Needless to say something emerged from me. FML

Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML

by Creeped out / 01/28/2013 at 3:14am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML

by idislikeblanks / 01/30/2013 at 2:03am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, after having lost my phone three days ago, I paid a $150 non-refundable fee to have my phone replaced and mailed to me by Tuesday. A half hour later, I found my original phone. FML

by Anonymous / 02/03/2013 at 2:14am / United States (Colorado) / Money

Today, at my retail job, a woman came to my till with her purchases. After I scanned all her items, she handed me two small bags. One was filled with nickels and dimes. The other was filled with cents. Her total was $28.53. The coins amounted to $22.30. FML

by fuckedbyretail / 02/02/2013 at 9:53am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I had to have major oral surgery. Needless to say I am in need of some heavy pain medication. My pharmacist insists that my surgeon never called in my medicine, and my surgeon insists otherwise. This has been going back and forth for hours. FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2013 at 4:18pm / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, the last customer of the night shift handed me their money along with a wad of their hair. FML

by imwithapples22 / 01/29/2013 at 11:39am / United States / Work