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Monday 28 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

#20493802
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21488) - you deserved it (7629)

On 02/04/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by facepalm - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I spun off the road and into a ditch. The insurance company told me I'd have to wait an hour, as they had other cars to tow first. I had to pee so badly that I resorted to using the only thing I had in my car: a plastic bag. That's when I got a knock on my window from the tow truck driver. FML

#20489830
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24259) - you deserved it (5214)

On 02/02/2013 at 1:57am - misc - by merp. (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

#20491900
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24995) - you deserved it (2788)

On 02/03/2013 at 6:04pm - love - by FUCK GOD (man) - Argentina (Salta)

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

#20484554
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27739) - you deserved it (2788)

On 01/29/2013 at 9:51am - health - by oh no (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I ran into a former co-worker who I hadn't seen in years. She was raving at how I hadn't aged a bit, but before I could thank her she said, "But, you know, chubby people age better." FML

#20492811
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23623) - you deserved it (2977)

On 02/04/2013 at 7:17am - work - by Colleen Nichols - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was on the treadmill at the gym, when I felt my pants start slipping. I tried to pull them up, but lost my balance and fell face-first onto the floor. When I go to my wedding tomorrow, half the guests will probably think I've exchanged my fiancé for Chris Brown. FML

#20489307
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26933) - you deserved it (3891)

On 02/01/2013 at 6:31pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Brazil

Today, my dad and his new wife got their wedding pictures done. Out of over 150 pictures, I was only in one. The family dog was in all of them. In the one picture of me, I was holding the dog's leash while he took a dump. FML

#20486408
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32209) - you deserved it (2253)

On 01/30/2013 at 4:05pm - animals - by puppydrama - United States

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML

#20484025
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7399) - you deserved it (39402)

On 01/28/2013 at 11:23pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mother "checked in" to rehab on Facebook. The same rehab that told her to hand over her smartphone. The dumbass was smart enough to steal my phone and dumb enough to get it confiscated. FML

#20485491
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24220) - you deserved it (2263)

On 01/29/2013 at 10:18pm - health - by motherless - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend tried to hypnotize me into breaking up with him. FML

#20485216
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27959) - you deserved it (2913)

On 01/29/2013 at 7:28pm - love - by theawfulpresent (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went for a checkup after having recently been fitted with dental implants. The oral surgeon I chose was supposedly the best in the area, but it turns out that he inserted the implants at the wrong angle. Now I have to have further surgery to correct it. FML

#20487790
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21671) - you deserved it (1955)

On 01/31/2013 at 4:29pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I received a birthday present from a friend. It was the very same gift I gave to her for Christmas. FML

#20482991
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23627) - you deserved it (3760)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by thrifty gone wrong - United States (California)

Today, most of my neighbours came to my house in an angry mob to complain about my dog barking. I don't have a dog. FML

#20488553
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24366) - you deserved it (1654)

On 02/01/2013 at 1:09am - animals - by Angry Mob - Australia (New South Wales)



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