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Friday 25 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML

#20489333
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24660) - you deserved it (7840)

On 02/01/2013 at 6:53pm - misc - by VMV (woman) - Spain (Catalonia)

Today, I went on a date with a co-worker I've been interested in for some time. The topic of discussion she chose over lunch: how she's living a double-life as an escort in Flint and that she thinks she's picked up an STD from unprotected sex. FML

#20472998
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28434) - you deserved it (3291)

On 01/22/2013 at 12:20pm - love - by SonofDonald (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML

#20475517
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30080) - you deserved it (5220)

On 01/23/2013 at 8:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my school's ski trip got canceled, because "All the snow makes the roads unsafe." We can't go skiing because it's snowing. FML

#20478441
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32519) - you deserved it (2712)

On 01/25/2013 at 5:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML

#20480667
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28790) - you deserved it (16453)

On 01/27/2013 at 12:38am - misc - by LucidNightmare - United States (Colorado)

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML

#20470929
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46044) - you deserved it (5561)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by airbiscuit (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I'm getting married. A few months ago, I allowed my mother in-law to take care of catering. She begged to be a part of the wedding, so I gave her the caterer's number and order info. It appears that I will not be eating at my own wedding because she decided to order food I'm allergic to. FML

#20482739
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28142) - you deserved it (4689)

On 01/28/2013 at 6:52am - love - by forever1990 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I actually considered my boyfriend romantic and deserving of an award when he didn't fart after sex. FML

#20488602
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31271) - you deserved it (5759)

On 02/01/2013 at 2:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my school's theatre decided to produce Les Misérables. I got the part of Éponine. My boyfriend, being a talented performer, could have gotten any part he wanted. However, he only wanted to play the soldier responsible for killing Éponine. FML

#20474800
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28630) - you deserved it (4930)

On 01/23/2013 at 1:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I waited over 30 minutes in freezing cold weather for my bus. When it finally arrived, I went to get on board, but slipped and fell on the icy ground. The driver waited a whole 2 seconds before snorting, "Ain't nobody got time for this shit", closing the doors, and driving off. FML

#20476700
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37485) - you deserved it (2680)

On 01/24/2013 at 4:25pm - misc - by frozensolid (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML

#20487313
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31938) - you deserved it (2195)

On 01/31/2013 at 5:28am - health - by I'maboutobarf - Australia

Today, my husband asked me to show him my boob. I began to pull the side of my shirt down when he said, "No, not that one, the big one." FML

#20472081
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38780) - you deserved it (3950)

On 01/21/2013 at 9:27pm - intimacy - by sarah6786 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was on a ladder at work, fetching some stock from one of the storage shelves. Some teenage kid thought it would be fucking hilarious to grab the ladder and violently shake it. He hadn't bet on me being startled enough to fall off and fracture my elbow on the floor. FML

#20481589
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28435) - you deserved it (1784)

On 01/27/2013 at 4:59pm - health - by fucking teen cunts (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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