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Sunday 20 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML

#20478275
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35231) - you deserved it (5958)

On 01/25/2013 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by great (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I walked into the bathroom only to see my boyfriend sitting on the floor eating ice cream, crying. I'd say I was shocked, but this isn't the first time it's happened. FML

#20458512
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35112) - you deserved it (6352)

On 01/14/2013 at 3:24am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Montana)

Today, I took an IQ test and ended up scoring above average. Feeling good about myself, I decided to bake some cookies. After 30 minutes of them not doing anything in the oven, I realized I forgot to turn the oven on. FML

#20475894
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17684) - you deserved it (31599)

On 01/24/2013 at 12:16am - misc - by steven - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date with a co-worker I've been interested in for some time. The topic of discussion she chose over lunch: how she's living a double-life as an escort in Flint and that she thinks she's picked up an STD from unprotected sex. FML

#20472998
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31574) - you deserved it (3582)

On 01/22/2013 at 12:20pm - love - by SonofDonald (man) - United States

Today, my friend set me up on a blind date, to get my mind off having been recently broken up with. The guy was perfect: tall, muscular, handsome. But while we were watching a movie, I saw him dig around in his nose, then wipe his finger on my pants. FML

#20474869
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34771) - you deserved it (3976)

On 01/23/2013 at 1:44pm - love - by Stickysituation - United States (New York)

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

#20462136
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36831) - you deserved it (3845)

On 01/16/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by WTF (man) -

Today, I found a lost dog and called the owner. When he arrived, I thought it would be cute to put the dog down so he would run back into his owner's arms, like in movies. As soon as I put the dog down, it ran away again. FML

#20469405
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18741) - you deserved it (39583)

On 01/20/2013 at 11:34am - animals - by DrakeB (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my school's ski trip got canceled, because "All the snow makes the roads unsafe." We can't go skiing because it's snowing. FML

#20478441
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35304) - you deserved it (2915)

On 01/25/2013 at 5:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML

#20480667
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32633) - you deserved it (17785)

On 01/27/2013 at 12:38am - misc - by LucidNightmare - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML

#20469621
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37565) - you deserved it (3977)

On 01/20/2013 at 2:28pm - love - by maybe dead in a day (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom wished me "Happy Conception Day." FML

#20462817
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25974) - you deserved it (4017)

On 01/16/2013 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML

#20464395
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30390) - you deserved it (14562)

On 01/17/2013 at 12:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a bottle of champagne for my birthday. This is the third year in a row she has done this. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and she's well aware of that fact. FML

#20462057
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37399) - you deserved it (2765)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:36am - health - by Ari (woman) -



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