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Thursday 17 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML

#20465889
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60509) - you deserved it (6958)

On 01/18/2013 at 5:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had lunch with an attractive foreign exchange student from Dresden. After bombarding her with questions about Russia, she smiled and kindly told me that Dresden is in Germany. Everyone laughed. FML

Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML

#20475517
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32443) - you deserved it (5500)

On 01/23/2013 at 8:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was driving and noticed a police car parked in a spot reserved for the handicapped. I stopped my car and got out to take a picture. The cop gave me a ticket for parking in the road. FML

Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML

#20460703
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43806) - you deserved it (6012)

On 01/15/2013 at 12:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

#20470654
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21684) - you deserved it (42647)

On 01/21/2013 at 1:32am - love - by black and yellow - United States (California)

Today, as part of a charity project called Operation Valentine, I worked with 150 other volunteers to make care packages and Valentine's Day cards to send to the troops in Afghanistan, thanking them for their courage. My boyfriend called the cards "cheating" and now refuses to see me. FML

#20460276
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38428) - you deserved it (3706)

On 01/15/2013 at 2:23am - love - by helpme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 8-year-old sister matter-of-factly said that she's going to get married before me if I don't stop wearing track pants. FML

#20462592
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16024) - you deserved it (28817)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:28pm - misc - by Kendra_Nine (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML

#20467584
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48517) - you deserved it (7615)

On 01/19/2013 at 8:20am - intimacy - by tingles (woman) - United Kingdom (Solihull)

Today, the drummer of my band briefly mentioned something about not being allowed into the United States, just as he left our last practice before our big tour in America. FML

Today, I waited over 30 minutes in freezing cold weather for my bus. When it finally arrived, I went to get on board, but slipped and fell on the icy ground. The driver waited a whole 2 seconds before snorting, "Ain't nobody got time for this shit", closing the doors, and driving off. FML

#20476700
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40850) - you deserved it (2968)

On 01/24/2013 at 4:25pm - misc - by frozensolid (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I learned my neighbor can access my wireless printer from his house after it started printing off pictures of what I'm assuming is his penis. FML

#20461046
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43698) - you deserved it (7196)

On 01/15/2013 at 4:58pm - intimacy - by itsrathersmall (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I got a new girlfriend. Unfortunately, the last girl I asked out just responded to my relationship request on Facebook. It's been 4 hours, and my new girlfriend already thinks I'm cheating on her. FML

#20460941
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14330) - you deserved it (42752)

On 01/15/2013 at 3:53pm - love - by George - United States (Washington)



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