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Sunday 13 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after months of searching and several emotional breakdowns, I finally found a new job. My wife's words of encouragement? "Try not to fuck this one up." FML

#20464089
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30384) - you deserved it (9113)

On 01/17/2013 at 5:43am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, a four-year-old said a word that I didn't know the meaning of. I had to look up the definition. FML

#20465228
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15046) - you deserved it (32724)

On 01/17/2013 at 9:31pm - kids - by walkingdictionary - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work, a little girl came in and asked if we had any dance clothes. As I showed her, I asked if she was in a competition. When she said yes, I crossed my fingers and told her I hoped she would win. Unfortunately, I didn't cross them properly and I accidentally gave her the finger. FML

Today, my hamster died. It climbed out of its cage and jumped off my dresser. Looking for condolences, I told my mom who replied, "If I lived in your room, I would have done it earlier." FML

#20453156
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28118) - you deserved it (7564)

On 01/11/2013 at 2:09am - animals - by deadhammy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my sleep-walking is so bad that I regularly text my friend while I sleep. I have no idea how many times this has happened. FML

#20455938
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23791) - you deserved it (3067)

On 01/12/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by I'm screwed - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after an hour of crying over a guy I like, I put on some Adele and sang along. My mom quickly took notice and came to give me advice, which was to "get over it" because he doesn't want me, and that "masturbation beats relationships hands down." Gee, thanks mom. FML

#20469543
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25775) - you deserved it (6675)

On 01/20/2013 at 1:22pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML

#20447288
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42327) - you deserved it (8118)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML

#20447919
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32585) - you deserved it (4534)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:10pm - misc - by troll of a gran - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my kitten tried jumping into a hot oven, a dryer, a dishwasher, a toilet, and a fish-tank. Curiosity is going to kill my cat. FML

#20470154
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31741) - you deserved it (3246)

On 01/20/2013 at 8:47pm - animals - by AnonCat (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

#20449894
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50522) - you deserved it (4848)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:07am - misc - by kk - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. After he left my place, I realized he took my Sonicare toothbrush because he knew that I would be more upset about missing that than our relationship. He was right. I am really upset about it. FML

#20450824
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17222) - you deserved it (31609)

On 01/09/2013 at 9:37pm - love - by niki (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I waited over an hour for my bus. As I finally saw it approaching, I reached into my purse to grab my ticket. The lady next to me then gave the driver a hand signal to keep driving. FML

#20451303
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32862) - you deserved it (2663)

On 01/10/2013 at 1:13am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, an elderly gentleman came into my store complaining of a toothache, so I showed him where the Orajel was located. He then insisted on making a big scene, claiming that I really had the magic touch and if I would just stroke his cheek all his pain would go away. FML

#20464379
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28744) - you deserved it (2681)

On 01/17/2013 at 11:57am - work - by lifebecrazed (woman) -



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