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Saturday 12 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML

#20460703
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46021) - you deserved it (6305)

On 01/15/2013 at 12:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML

#20455279
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35377) - you deserved it (8589)

On 01/12/2013 at 12:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, my 8-year-old sister matter-of-factly said that she's going to get married before me if I don't stop wearing track pants. FML

#20462592
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16050) - you deserved it (28871)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:28pm - misc - by Kendra_Nine (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boss called me over to his office; he wanted me to fire four hardworking employees. One of them was the girl I was going to ask out. FML

#20447887
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38919) - you deserved it (3102)

On 01/08/2013 at 11:40am - work - by AnonUser464 (man) - United States

Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML

#20457945
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30925) - you deserved it (3360)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:00pm - misc - by anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mom wished me "Happy Conception Day." FML

#20462817
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26008) - you deserved it (4020)

On 01/16/2013 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

#20445835
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27253) - you deserved it (5317)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:35am - love - by kat124ever (woman) - United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

#20456674
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49600) - you deserved it (8339)

On 01/13/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Drewbie (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I got a new girlfriend. Unfortunately, the last girl I asked out just responded to my relationship request on Facebook. It's been 4 hours, and my new girlfriend already thinks I'm cheating on her. FML

#20460941
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14365) - you deserved it (42797)

On 01/15/2013 at 3:53pm - love - by George - United States (Washington)

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a bottle of champagne for my birthday. This is the third year in a row she has done this. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and she's well aware of that fact. FML

#20462057
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37448) - you deserved it (2764)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:36am - health - by Ari (woman) -

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

#20462136
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36873) - you deserved it (3849)

On 01/16/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by WTF (man) -

Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML

#20464395
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32819) - you deserved it (15408)

On 01/17/2013 at 12:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I have severe back pain that is only relieved by lying flat on my bed. I also have acid reflux that is only prevented by sitting straight up. FML

#20453200
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40376) - you deserved it (2698)

On 01/11/2013 at 3:03am - health - by Kftc88 - United States (California)



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