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Friday 11 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

#20456391
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42295) - you deserved it (4865)

On 01/13/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

#20466086
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38953) - you deserved it (3989)

On 01/18/2013 at 10:25am - misc - by Keastwood013 - United States

Today, I came out to my parents. They laughed in my face. FML

#20445704
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29686) - you deserved it (6405)

On 01/07/2013 at 1:09am - misc - by areyoukiddingme (woman) - United States

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

#20456674
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50783) - you deserved it (8503)

On 01/13/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Drewbie (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML

#20460703
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46945) - you deserved it (6415)

On 01/15/2013 at 12:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I have severe back pain that is only relieved by lying flat on my bed. I also have acid reflux that is only prevented by sitting straight up. FML

#20453200
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41317) - you deserved it (2768)

On 01/11/2013 at 3:03am - health - by Kftc88 - United States (California)

Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML

#20455279
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36749) - you deserved it (8767)

On 01/12/2013 at 12:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I was yet again asked to show my hall pass. I'm 23 and work at a middle school. I've worked here for the last five months, so not only do I look 13 years old, I'm also not memorable enough for my own coworkers to recognize me. FML

#20454196
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39353) - you deserved it (3060)

On 01/11/2013 at 8:11pm - work - by Can'tAgeOrMakeFriends (woman) - United States

Today, my boss called me over to his office; he wanted me to fire four hardworking employees. One of them was the girl I was going to ask out. FML

#20447887
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40681) - you deserved it (3240)

On 01/08/2013 at 11:40am - work - by AnonUser464 (man) - United States

Today, my mom wished me "Happy Conception Day." FML

#20462817
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28994) - you deserved it (4312)

On 01/16/2013 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

#20445835
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30787) - you deserved it (5730)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:35am - love - by kat124ever (woman) - United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East)

Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML

#20457387
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37876) - you deserved it (2539)

On 01/13/2013 at 4:02pm - misc - by daughter of a gullible cunt (woman) - Australia

Today, I got a new girlfriend. Unfortunately, the last girl I asked out just responded to my relationship request on Facebook. It's been 4 hours, and my new girlfriend already thinks I'm cheating on her. FML

#20460941
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15616) - you deserved it (44975)

On 01/15/2013 at 3:53pm - love - by George - United States (Washington)



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