Thursday 10 January 2013 
Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time
Today, I opened the door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25650) - you deserved it (2100)
On 01/12/2013 at 5:02pm - misc - by fucking mafia or what?? (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28691) - you deserved it (1537)
On 01/13/2013 at 4:02pm - misc - by daughter of a gullible cunt (woman) - Australia
Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls in yoga pants" site. He saw my expression and said, "Nah, it's cool, I hid my junk so they'll think it's a chick!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (30183) - you deserved it (653)
On 01/10/2013 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Amy (woman) - United States
Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25306) - you deserved it (6426)
On 01/17/2013 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by jakeeey - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21902) - you deserved it (6545)
On 01/10/2013 at 1:28am - kids - by Facepalmum (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I learned who my dad's new fiancée is. Upon meeting her she exclaimed, "My, I haven't seen you in a while!" She's my ex-boyfriend's mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29366) - you deserved it (2142)
On 01/09/2013 at 10:15pm - love - by wtf dad - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26902) - you deserved it (4222)
On 01/10/2013 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by juvenile friends suck (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)
Today, a girl I follow on Twitter tweeted, "Why can't I have a cute math tutor?" I'm her math tutor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28600) - you deserved it (2591)
On 01/14/2013 at 9:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27357) - you deserved it (1752)
On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, while at work, a Beatles song came on the radio. I jokingly said, "These guys are pretty good, are they new?" Everyone thought I was being serious, and now they're convinced I'm an idiot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12782) - you deserved it (22597)
On 01/07/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by EffUrEll - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my mum excitedly discussed with me the prospect of starting a mother-son YouTube duo. Thinking she was joking, I went along with it. She is now installing a 24-hour webcam in the house to record our conversations, which she perceives as hilarious, and is going to upload them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26586) - you deserved it (6889)
On 01/14/2013 at 5:06am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I decided to go to a UV-light party dressed all in white. Before leaving, my little brother dumped a glass of tomato juice over my head saying, "Now you look just like a used tampon!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (32015) - you deserved it (3559)
On 01/13/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by Mary - Czech Republic
Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25381) - you deserved it (3454)
On 01/13/2013 at 7:41am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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