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Thursday 10 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML

#20454746
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30003) - you deserved it (7853)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:32am - love - by thanksbabe - United States

Today, I realized I'm so lonely that I get comfort from hearing my neighbor snore through my apartment wall. FML

Today, I was babysitting, and a little girl asked for help with her homework. I cheerfully began an explanation, only to freeze mid-sentence. I could not for the life of me remember how to do long-division. I'm about to graduate from Cornell University, and her little brother had to correct me. FML

#20459773
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29755) - you deserved it (9264)

On 01/14/2013 at 9:52pm - kids - by IvyLeague? - United States (New York)

Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML

#20461359
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31483) - you deserved it (2801)

On 01/15/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by veggieluver (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, the lead singer of the band I recently joined blatantly admitted to a fan that the only reason he let me in was because I'm "so fuckin' ugly" that I make the rest of them look "ten times better" in comparison. FML

#20464662
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30548) - you deserved it (2618)

On 01/17/2013 at 3:50pm - misc - by sad drummer (man) - United States (California)

Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML

#20456813
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30290) - you deserved it (4629)

On 01/13/2013 at 7:41am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, one of my paintings was accepted into a local art gallery. It would've been a dream come true, had my "best friend" not submitted it under her own name and taken all the credit. FML

#20453750
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37664) - you deserved it (2630)

On 01/11/2013 at 2:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I decided to go to a UV-light party dressed all in white. Before leaving, my little brother dumped a glass of tomato juice over my head saying, "Now you look just like a used tampon!" FML

#20456974
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38426) - you deserved it (4816)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by Mary - Czech Republic

Today, after months of searching and several emotional breakdowns, I finally found a new job. My wife's words of encouragement? "Try not to fuck this one up." FML

#20464089
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28527) - you deserved it (8788)

On 01/17/2013 at 5:43am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, a four-year-old said a word that I didn't know the meaning of. I had to look up the definition. FML

#20465228
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14992) - you deserved it (32617)

On 01/17/2013 at 9:31pm - kids - by walkingdictionary - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work, a little girl came in and asked if we had any dance clothes. As I showed her, I asked if she was in a competition. When she said yes, I crossed my fingers and told her I hoped she would win. Unfortunately, I didn't cross them properly and I accidentally gave her the finger. FML

Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML

#20447288
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42170) - you deserved it (8098)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML

#20447919
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30656) - you deserved it (4333)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:10pm - misc - by troll of a gran - United States (Oklahoma)



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