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Monday 7 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I opened the door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

#20455625
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33031) - you deserved it (3223)

On 01/12/2013 at 5:02pm - misc - by fucking mafia or what?? (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my grandmother called me to tell me that there will be a nice, single guy for me to meet at the family reunion. She went on and on about how perfect he was for me. I didn't have the heart to tell her I'm a lesbian, and have been out to the rest of the family for over six years. FML

#20451316
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29240) - you deserved it (11138)

On 01/10/2013 at 1:25am - love - by RP Havens (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I learned who my dad's new fiancée is. Upon meeting her she exclaimed, "My, I haven't seen you in a while!" She's my ex-boyfriend's mom. FML

#20450908
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36295) - you deserved it (3012)

On 01/09/2013 at 10:15pm - love - by wtf dad - United States (Missouri)

Today, while at work, a Beatles song came on the radio. I jokingly said, "These guys are pretty good, are they new?" Everyone thought I was being serious, and now they're convinced I'm an idiot. FML

#20446711
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16034) - you deserved it (32230)

On 01/07/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by EffUrEll - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was babysitting, and a little girl asked for help with her homework. I cheerfully began an explanation, only to freeze mid-sentence. I could not for the life of me remember how to do long-division. I'm about to graduate from Cornell University, and her little brother had to correct me. FML

#20459773
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31561) - you deserved it (9565)

On 01/14/2013 at 9:52pm - kids - by IvyLeague? - United States (New York)

Today, one of my paintings was accepted into a local art gallery. It would've been a dream come true, had my "best friend" not submitted it under her own name and taken all the credit. FML

#20453750
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39401) - you deserved it (2767)

On 01/11/2013 at 2:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML

#20454746
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32184) - you deserved it (8168)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:32am - love - by thanksbabe - United States

Today, I realized I'm so lonely that I get comfort from hearing my neighbor snore through my apartment wall. FML

Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML

#20456813
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30442) - you deserved it (4784)

On 01/13/2013 at 7:41am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

#20449894
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50561) - you deserved it (4849)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:07am - misc - by kk - United States

Today, my hamster died. It climbed out of its cage and jumped off my dresser. Looking for condolences, I told my mom who replied, "If I lived in your room, I would have done it earlier." FML

#20453156
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28160) - you deserved it (7568)

On 01/11/2013 at 2:09am - animals - by deadhammy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to go to a UV-light party dressed all in white. Before leaving, my little brother dumped a glass of tomato juice over my head saying, "Now you look just like a used tampon!" FML

#20456974
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38624) - you deserved it (4829)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by Mary - Czech Republic

Today, at work, a little girl came in and asked if we had any dance clothes. As I showed her, I asked if she was in a competition. When she said yes, I crossed my fingers and told her I hoped she would win. Unfortunately, I didn't cross them properly and I accidentally gave her the finger. FML



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