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Monday 7 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband and I found the perfect house, in our price range and everything we wanted in a house. However, the street it's on is called "Arbour Butte Road". My husband refuses to buy it because he doesn't want it to sound like he lives "in a tree's ass." I'm married to an idiot. FML

#20451265
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29333) - you deserved it (5710)

On 01/10/2013 at 12:53am - misc - by it's just a name (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was laughing at a girl who really sucks at badminton. Turns out she has anger issues, and a really good aim when she's mad. I've never been hit so hard in the crotch before. FML

#20450098
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9486) - you deserved it (57731)

On 01/09/2013 at 2:27pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML

#20454855
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19231) - you deserved it (39143)

On 01/12/2013 at 3:14am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my son sprayed Axe body-spray all over the house in the vain hope of covering up the scent of the joints he'd been smoking. FML

#20446338
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28121) - you deserved it (4550)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, in an elaborate plan to finally meet my cute neighbor, I convinced my friendly mailman to switch up our mail so I'd have an excuse to meet her. After I delivered her mail, I waited for her to mention that she had my mail, but she never did. I even saw her take it out of her mail box. FML

#20446490
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10910) - you deserved it (32803)

On 01/07/2013 at 4:39pm - love - by james88 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I've been struggling with my English paper for the past hour, because I can't concentrate. This is because my mom is in the room next to me, singing to her pet rat about what a cute little boy he is, in between yelling at him to stop "molesting" her. FML

#20452365
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31632) - you deserved it (2634)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:02pm - animals - by theycallmekitty (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML

#20452996
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45166) - you deserved it (5976)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I got genuinely annoyed at myself when I realised I probably lack the skills to survive a Zombie apocalypse. FML

#20449927
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11347) - you deserved it (28839)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by drake86 - United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute)

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

#20445950
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33798) - you deserved it (6895)

On 01/07/2013 at 8:01am - intimacy - by wetsheets (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I was asked out by a friend of mine. He's a doctor and works at a prestigious hospital, so thinking we would eat somewhere special, I got all dressed up. We ended up eating at his hospital's cafeteria, because he gets a small employee discount. FML

#20453732
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31324) - you deserved it (6978)

On 01/11/2013 at 2:37pm - love - by wowthanks (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML

#20450521
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37542) - you deserved it (5703)

On 01/09/2013 at 6:55pm - love - by GDBeast (man) - United States

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

#20456391
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38483) - you deserved it (4537)

On 01/13/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I walked into the bathroom only to see my boyfriend sitting on the floor eating ice cream, crying. I'd say I was shocked, but this isn't the first time it's happened. FML

#20458512
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32759) - you deserved it (6101)

On 01/14/2013 at 3:24am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Montana)



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