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Sunday 6 January 2013

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Today, I took my girlfriend to go see Les Misérables. I tried to stay tough but completely lost it and started sobbing when Anne Hathaway began singing. My girlfriend called me a wimp and stayed dry-eyed throughout the whole movie. I'm dating a robot. FML

by Les Miserables is so sad / 01/02/2013 at 6:38pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son got his first tooth, and is enthusiastically biting everything. I breastfeed. FML

by loveyouson / 01/09/2013 at 1:48pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Kids

Today, I went to bed with a bra on. I woke up with no bra on. My brother had a friend sleep over last night. I wonder where my bra went. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2012 at 3:04pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate stumbled in drunk at 5am with 3 Big Macs, and passed out on the floor after eating them. This happens almost every night. I stay in, study, work, and go to the gym almost everyday. And she still has better grades, a better body, and makes more money than me. FML

by apparentlythereisnokarma / 01/01/2013 at 4:00pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, the girl of my dreams asked me if I wanted to go biking with her. "Just the two of us," she said. I had to turn her down because I'm 17 years old and never learned how to ride a bike. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2013 at 1:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I started charging my phone in the car during a family road trip. The car recognized my iPhone as an MP3 player and started playing the audio from the porn video I watched before we left. Everybody heard. FML

by anonymous / 01/05/2013 at 11:16am / United States / Transportation

Today, I went to take a shower. Afterwards, I noticed I'd forgotten to bring a shirt to change into, so I put on a towel and went back to my room, only to witness my 14-year-old brother and a friend smelling my bra, commenting on "how warm it is". FML

by PrezKisame / 01/03/2013 at 3:35pm / Australia (Queensland) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2013 at 5:30am / United States (Kansas) / Health

Today, I was laughing at a girl who really sucks at badminton. Turns out she has anger issues, and a really good aim when she's mad. I've never been hit so hard in the crotch before. FML

by Anon / 01/09/2013 at 2:27pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML

by Enyo / 01/01/2013 at 12:35pm / Reserved / Animals

Today, I was cleaning one of my disabled clients because he pooped himself, so I started to undress him for a shower. I took his dirty diaper off and set it on his bed, then I bent over to take off his socks at which point he put the diaper on my head like a hat. FML

by habassistant / 01/02/2013 at 10:49am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, my husband and I found the perfect house, in our price range and everything we wanted in a house. However, the street it's on is called "Arbour Butte Road". My husband refuses to buy it because he doesn't want it to sound like he lives "in a tree's ass." I'm married to an idiot. FML

by it's just a name / 01/10/2013 at 12:53am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a fight with my boyfriend over a girl he is close to. He later arrived with flowers for what I thought was an apology. He was actually breaking up with me; the flowers were for her, he just didn't want to leave them in the car. FML

by damn / 01/04/2013 at 9:08am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love