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Saturday 5 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dog died. We planned to get her cremated and keep the ashes. My sister put forward the idea of putting the ashes in our food so our dog can be "inside of us, always." She's completely serious. I'm scared to eat food from her now. FML

#20438971
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33154) - you deserved it (2103)

On 01/02/2013 at 4:53pm - animals - by Anon. -

Today, I overheard my mother telling my sister that she expects my marriage to fall apart any day now. Apparently, I have no concept of what "marriage" really means. My husband and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary, while my mother is planning her 5th wedding. FML

#20438192
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42800) - you deserved it (2036)

On 01/02/2013 at 5:31am - love - by alynna007 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my friend and I were trying out a site on which you talk to strangers using a mic and webcam. We came across a cute guy, who said to my friend, "Tell the fat guy to move." He was referring to me. I'm a girl. FML

Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls in yoga pants" site. He saw my expression and said, "Nah, it's cool, I hid my junk so they'll think it's a chick!" FML

#20451178
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39356) - you deserved it (5398)

On 01/10/2013 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Amy (woman) - United States

Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML

#20454623
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21722) - you deserved it (36643)

On 01/12/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by nean83 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I opened the door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

#20455625
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33055) - you deserved it (3224)

On 01/12/2013 at 5:02pm - misc - by fucking mafia or what?? (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was yet again asked to show my hall pass. I'm 23 and work at a middle school. I've worked here for the last five months, so not only do I look 13 years old, I'm also not memorable enough for my own coworkers to recognize me. FML

#20454196
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37842) - you deserved it (2935)

On 01/11/2013 at 8:11pm - work - by Can'tAgeOrMakeFriends (woman) - United States

Today, I had to beg my husband not to shave his pubic hair into a handlebar moustache. FML

#20442876
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21238) - you deserved it (3958)

On 01/04/2013 at 7:31pm - love - by marisa (woman) - Ireland (Carlow)

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

#20448629
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34533) - you deserved it (2787)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML

#20451321
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28453) - you deserved it (7441)

On 01/10/2013 at 1:28am - kids - by Facepalmum (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, at my four-year-old daughter's insistence, I looked for - and found - a radio station that plays "Santa music" all year round. She's ecstatic and I can't turn it off without upsetting her. FML

#20436981
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24308) - you deserved it (10182)

On 01/01/2013 at 7:18pm - kids - by christmaswillneverend - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML

#20447129
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42916) - you deserved it (2438)

On 01/07/2013 at 11:16pm - misc - by legitweirdo - United States (New York)

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML

#20450136
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30615) - you deserved it (7407)

On 01/09/2013 at 2:57pm - misc - by thanksmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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